Internet Defense League

Translate

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Straight Up Reviews #5: Psycho II

Good Evening, what can we say about Hitchcock that has not been said enough.  He's made masterpieces that range from great action, to spine tingling suspense.   He helped invent certain camera tricks that people use even to this day.  To top it off no matter how many times we try to anticipate his every move, he still manages to trick us.  However it is very rare for someone to succeed after him.   Case in point, Psycho 2.

Before I start talking about it, let me relay some personal history.   I was in my high-school film class, grade 10, it was taught by a teacher who was actually well known in many commercials.  Specifically the Labatt Blue commercial, where he picks out the Labatt Bear to play hockey and one of the poor bastards crying over money during the H.R. Block commercial.  Anywho, one of the subjects was the Film/Noir Hitchcock subject, in which we watch old noir movies along with Hitchcock flicks. Among the flicks were Psycho, Vertigo and North By Northwest.  Psycho was my personal fave not just because of my long love of Horror movies, but because of many of the twists, Hitchcock pulled off without any expectancy. IN YOUR FACE M. NIGHT!!! As well as the atmosphere it creates. You actually believe you are right there with the characters but are powerless to stop the events.  I first watched Psycho though not through that, but through the god awful remake with Vince Vaughn.  But give Van Sant some credit, he himself said that he did it so no one else had to and he meant it.  He even went as far as buying remaking rights to all of Hitchcock's movies so no one could ruin it. Though it's not all wasted.  If you look at one pivitol scene in said remake, you can see a caricature of Hitch berating Gus. Fair warning since I am mentioning the first movie while the sequel is the main focus, there is gonna be spoilers.

The story of Psycho went like so: Marion Crane a secretary working in a real estate office wants to elope with her boyfriend Sam Loomis.  By chance the recent client comes by to purchase a house for $40, 000 cash (400, 000 in the Remake.) Cash.  Instead of depositing it like she was supposed to, she packs up and leaves Phoenix to go meet Sam in L.A.  Along the way she stops by Bates Motel and meets the charming, but socially awkward manager Norman Bates.  Bates has his own share of problems, in the form of a doting mother that picks on him and threatens anyone that talks to him.  Inspired by his situation, Marion decides to return home with the money.  Before she could do so, Mother attacks and kills Marion in the shower.  Norman being the loyal, henpecked son he is, covers up the crime and eliminates all traces of Marion in the motel.  Marion is declared missing and it's up to detective Arbogast, Sam and Marion's sister Lila Crane to solve the mystery behind her disappearance, as well as reveal the secret behind Norman Bates and Mother.

Now since I am gonna be talking about II and I warned about spoilers I shall say this:  Norman Bates and Mother are one and the same.  After Norman's dad's death, Norman became emotionally disturbed.  Norman's mother, Norma was a clinging, demanding, woman, who abused Norman emotionally into submission until they were completely dependent on each other.  She then decided to take in a lover who convinced her to open up the aforementioned motel.  Norman fresh into his Oedipus complex killed them both in a jealous rage.  However feeling guilty afterwards, he stole her corpse and did everything possible to maintain the illusion of his mother being alive.  This included dressing up as her and speaking in her voice.  Because he was jealous of her, he assumed she was jealous of him, so whenever he met a girl he liked, the mother half of him took over and offed her.  This concept became one of the greatest twists in movie history.  Now on to Psycho II.

22 years after the first movie, Norman Bates was released from the institution after being declared sane, much to the protests of a very pissed off Lila Crane.  Upon being released Norman sets out to start a normal life.  He gets a job working at a diner, in addition to watching over his Motel; which is run by the Sleazy Warren Toomey.  He even meets a girl Mary Samuels, who he is enamored with.  It seems like everything is going well for the once former Psycho.  However a series of bizarre incidences occur, such as random notes and phone calls from Mother, making Norman question his sanity.  As well as a new series of murders making him the prime suspect.  Is Norman going crazy again? Or is someone trying to have him locked up?


This movie received a lot of flack for one simple reason "It wasn't directed by Hitchcock."  Which is kinda stupid.  Empire Strikes Back wasn't directed by Lucas and is still to this day considered the best Star Wars Sequel.  Why am I using Star Wars logic in this?  Because I kinda think of this as the "Empire" of the Psycho franchise.  It has a hell of a lot of twists and a downer ending that makes Vader proud.  It also shows a milestone of Anthony Perkins being one of the few Horror actors to play the same character for 4 movies straight.  Succeeded by Freddy Kruger actor Robert Englund in 8 Nightmare movies. Lastly I like this movie because rather than make Norman a one dimensional villain, they make him a more sympathetic character which was ambiguous in the first movie and show that even the most deadly of movie killers could get a second chance at life if the people would leave them alone.....or they start killing again regardless as proven in the III and IV movies.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay Tuned For More.   We all go a little mad sometimes.

Huh, I just noticed something.  Was the Green Goblin inspired by Norman Bates?   I mean both are named Norman, both have split personalities in which the evil side believes they are protecting the good side.  And said evil side sounds like a demented old lady.

Monday, 29 July 2013

Adventures of S.T. Filmmaker #8



After his fight with Oni Link, S.T. Decides to have some R&R when Professor Maple arrives with startling news.

Sunday, 28 July 2013

The Fifth Element

This movie is by far one of the greatest I have ever seen in my life.  It combines prophetic fantasy, furturistic technology, balls to the wall action, an all star cast, over the top flamboyancy and a grand sense of humor and best of all Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman and Milia Jovavich.  I remember watching this when I was 7 and despite only being a kid and barely learning at the time I was able to follow this along.  It was one of the first movies in my life that I was able to make sense in my life.  Now that I am an adult I come to find that I am part of a small minority that actually makes sense of the movie despite it's positive ratings from critics and audiences alike.


The story goes like so:  There is an ancient evil that awakens and intends to destroy earth, in order to stop the  evil, there exists a superweapon in the form of 4 stones which represent the elements of earth and a sarcophagus containing a human like creature known as the fifth element.  Who by all standards is a supreme perfect being.  However the race of aliens guarding the weapon gets annihilated by Mangalore mercenaries and 5th reduced to a hand.  Not to worry since it's the future and they can bring it back.  Upon being brought back, it is revealed that 5th, now known as Leeloomina├» Lekatariba Lamina-Tcha├» Ekbat De Sebat is an adult woman (Jovavich), with the wisdom of the ancients and a naive child-like mind.  She breaks out of the rescue facility and falls into the cab of Korben Dallas (Willis.) the driver and former Major of the Special forces. Against his better judgment he risks his life and job to save her and drop her off at Vito Cornelius, a descendant of a long line of priests who were tasked with finding the stones and using the elements to save the world.  They all end up working together searching for the remaining stones.  All while running a foul of Zorg (Oldman) A corrupt businessman and second in command to Mr. Shadow the alias of the ancient evil, as well as the Mangalores who were pissed off by Zorg betraying them. 

Now for the fun part.  Could It Exist In Real Life?

Now like before I am not gonna state the obvious gadgetry such as improved guns, space ships and flying cars.

The first item of the day is the elements themselves. Now this concept does exist.  It has existed since the beginning of time.  We all know the whole story.  There are 4 elements and a mythological 5th one.  The four being Earth, Air, Fire and Water.  The 5th element has often been debated as two things.  The first and obvious comes from a medieval science concept called Aether.  Which in layman's terms is believed to be the stuff that fills the region of the universe.  Which makes sense in this movie since Leeloo is meant to save the universe and only one who is the center of the universe would have to be made of the universe itself.   The other is love.  I am not even joking, Leeloo is love personified.  So its quite obvious who she is.  Aphrodite, the Greek Godess of love.   So which one is it?  In my humble opinion it's both.  She saved the universe out of love and she is made of the universe so it makes sense that she is literally a goddess.

Now this is gonna sound confusing because I already covered it, but Could Leeloo Exist?  The difference though is I mentioned the metaphysical  side of her.  This one on the other hand is the scientifically physical side of her.  In her first official appearance in the mirror she was nothing more than a severed hand, before the doctors restored her.  Upon scanning her remains, they discover that she has multiple helixes rather than the traditional double helix commonly known with human DNA. This can exist in two ways.  1.  There are other creatures that have more or less chromosomes than us.  Cats have 24 while we have 23 for example.  2. Is more debatable and metaphysical but according to Wingmakers, there is a concept known as Light Body Development in which a human being's DNA can be converted from a 2 Helix to a 12 helix.  This was believed to give said humans supernatural powers.  Which begs the question.  Is Leeloo a Light Being? Since she does produce the Divine Light that is used to save the universe.

The next one is the method in her recreation.  I discovered this one by accident, but the way it goes is that they scan her body and then using raw materials to recreated it layer by layer.   This can exist. In May 22, 2013 Nasa and Cornell College created a machine based on the 3D printer.  Only instead of recreating lost structures with it, they came up with a new thing: Creating food.  Using Raw materials and ingredients these scientists have discovered a way of recreating food layer by layer in the exact same fashion Leeloo was created.  Sooner or later humans will be the next step.


Last but not least is the planet the big quest started on. Fholston Paradise.  A big planet covered in nothing but water, being cruised upon by a big space yacht.  This can exist as well.  According to CfA.  Astronomers discovered a planet they dubbed as a Super Earth due to it's enormous size compared to our earth.  While it's too hot to sustain any life, odds are people are gonna find a way to use it as THE intergalactic vacation spot.  Just don't expect a cross dressing Chris Tucker to show up.  And this planet? 90% Water.

As usual, debate, argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay Tuned For More.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Straight Up Reviews #4: Atop The Fourth Wall DVD Vol. 1

After a few days of patience, I finally managed to purchase the DVD.  This was actually the first time I ever purchased anything from the states let alone merchandise from Channel Awesome and it's affiliates so needless to say I was excited.  Mainly because I, like many fans of the show have wanted to know the Secret Origins.  Fair warning to those that haven't purchased the DVD, there will be spoilers.

First and foremost the package itself.  I got it through Airmail as it was the cheapest route.  It was essentially a Parcel Envelope with Bubble Wrap.  What kinda sucks about it is that I can't take said bubble wrap out, but that's a petty nitpick......What I like popping bubble wrap. Normally I would just throw the packaging out but because this was my first merchandise I ever purchased from Channel Awesome, I am thinking of framing this.

I don't know if it's easy to see due to my poor lighting but the case is awesome in my opinion. It looks reminiscent of the Star Trek and Indiana Jones covers and it has some of the Iconic Characters without mashing them together.  Clearly Linkara and MTC Studios wanted to make it unlike the comics he read.  We got the Trio as the main focus with Linksano on the Spock side, Harvey Finevoice on the McCoy side and Linkara as center Kirk.  In the middle has Zeo Linkara, duking it out with a ravaged Mechakara with lightning coming out of his hand presumably to say the iconic "You are an android, I AM A MAN!!!" Punch. Under them has Ninja Style Dancer, Pollo and Munroe  and at the bottom there is Moarte, 90s Kid and Boffo the Clown.  Lewis if you are reading this I understand your intentions with Boffo not being evil, he still creeps me right out.  Not for the same reasons as most people fear clowns.  Just that I get the feeling he might become disgruntled.   All and all great cover none the less.  I would like to mention the figure behind Linkara, it's too obscure to make out but would anyone else who purchased the DVD help me out and tell me what's up with that or is it just another clue for the recent storyline. 

The back part of the case is pretty cool too as it was made in the style of an actual movie cover.  Which we have a critic byline on top Reminiscent of the Nostalgia Critic.  As well as the plot Summary under it.  The pictures I must say are better because shows what to expect without giving anything important to the storyline away.  Under it has the Special Features list and the standard Technical Jargon you find on all DVD cases.  And I must say the Time Length section is the best, because rather than show by the minute, it says the exact hours and minutes.  The Bullshit Man would be pleased.

The Disc itself is Awesome Personified with nothing more than the iconic logo as if to say. "Ya there's no title, but you know who I am already otherwise you wouldn't have bought it."


Now for the features itself.  I am gonna save the storyline for last because they are the best part. But since extras qualifies as part of it I still call spoilers.

Now the first thing I watched was the Origin Featurette,  it was pretty much a standard interview panel, in which Lewis talks about his inspirations of some of his characters.  What made this a good thing to watch was that if you're like me, you are watching this DVD in the living Room on the couch, it gives the impression that you are sitting with Lewis hearing what he had to say.

The Making of Feature I must say is the best part of the DVD as it shows Lewis' unique style of screenwriting an acting.  I never knew he took his cues from a teleprompter.  It makes me wonder if his friends try to prank him with that every now and then.  Kidding aside, it's actually a pretty clever way to keep your face on the camera and not mess up your lines.  But what I really like about this making of feature is that once he's finished the episode, he shows the final product to his parents to review.  That is heartwarming at it's finest and something I completely envy.

Last but not least is the main events.  In which he reviews three golden age superhero comics.  I am not gonna review his reviews because I am afraid that creating such a paradox will destroy the universe.  Just kidding that only happened once.  Actually the real reason is because I am not the right person to review this reviewer.  That spot is reserved for the parents I mentioned.  However I will review the storylines.

How Lewis purchased the Magic Gun was......unexpected at best and kind of creepy, but hey that's what Linkara does, he makes sure an origin story is like nothing we ever seen before.  Still if there was one nitpick that I would want to point out is that the gun didn't attack him upon picking it up.  Then again Lewis is one of the nicest people on the net, so odds are the titular empathic weapon couldn't attack anyone that didn't deserve it.  The Construction of Pollo was pretty good too and we even get more insight on the magic book.  As well as why Linkara didn't die from prolonged usage of Magic.  It was also nice to see that Iron Liz was in the origin story.  Out of many of the characters on AT4W (90s kid being a personal favorite of mine because he reminds me of my own love of the 90s.  Hell I wanted to call myself Canadian 90s kid at first.)  Liz was one of my other favorites because well it's kind of embarrassing to say and I hope Lewis doesn't take it the wrong way,  but Liz reminds me of my mother.  Her over all look and attitude during her spots on the show reminds me of the stories my mother used to tell me about her own youth.  The only difference being that my mother not being a fan of table top RPGs, she was a fan of Tetris.  That aside Liz being one of the key features of his origins is pretty heartwarming by itself.  And she was kinda right, that Obelisk Blue uniform looked like a Full Metal Alchemist costume.  That's not your fault though Lewis, blame the artists on the show.  I myself am a Slyfer Slacker though.

But I ramble on.  The DVD is an excellent buy for the first volume and I hope to purchase the next volumes in the near future.

As usual debate, argue, and let me know what I missed. Stay Tuned For More.  And seriously Linkara who the hell is that behind you?

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

My Top 10 Guilty Pleasures in Movies

After watching Lindsay Ellis' AKA Nostalgia Chick's Top List.  I got inspired by her bravery and decided to do a top 10 list of guilty pleasures.  However since I like all mediums and not just Movies like her list I decide to take this to the next level.  I will post one top list for each medium.  Starting with Movies.


Now to me a guilty pleasure isn't just a movie most people hate but I like, but also movies you guys may not have heard of.  So I shall provide poster pictures of each movie so that when you go to your local video store you can go "Hey S.T. likes this, I should see what the fuss is about."  I kid of course I mainly do this because I want to share my likes with all of you.


10. Dragonball Evolution.

Now that I taken the time to make sure Chu-ey and Squirty are still guarding my house from lynch mobs let me explain.  As said before in my Straight Up Review, I hate the Buu Saga blah blah blah.  While I was slowly recovering from what I call Anime Blue Screen Of Death, I heard news that they were making a Dragon Ball Movie.  I was excited it was like my inner fanboy was unleashed.  Needless to say what I watched was not what I expected, but I liked it anyway.  Personally I don't see why people complain about it. "Goku's not Asian." He's an alien I think Nationality was thrown out the window on that one.  "Goku's in Highschool." It takes place in the modern future rather than simply advanced past. It's gonna be a little hard to raise a boy in the woods when part of those woods are torn down to make way for new cities. "Piccolo didn't kill Grandpa Gohan."  Hey that was a good change even if the other reasons were justified and it ain't the first time a villain was promoted to Murderer of Hero's parents *Cough* Tim Burton's Batman *Cough*.
 All and all I like this movie and let's face it when they do make a newer one it's gonna suck worse and people are gonna say that this one was better by comparison.  Just like Street Fighter. And hey at least it wasn't Michael Bay that directed.....wait come to think about it as stupid as that sounds that would be perfect for Bay.  I mean the Anime alone has it's fair share of fanservice and shit blowing up. Then again so does Ninja Turtles and apparently he is gonna make it worse!!!!

9.  Felix The Cat

Now I would like to take the time to thank NC for reviewing this because it helped reignite my love of this character.   When I was a kid I used to watch an old show called Twisted Tales of Felix The Cat, it was very nonsensical even for my standards of the time.  However my major love of the character came from an old Cartoon Serial I had on my 6 Hour Cartoon VHS.  It was called "The Goose That Laid The Golden Age.  In which Felix and Goldie, the titular goose decide to use Goldie's talents to help the poor.  When an evil pirate named Captain Kidd snatches Goldie, Felix jumps into action to save his friend.  This Cartoon specifically was very dark and I often wonder to this day how those writers got away with it.  It had it's fair share of comedic moments, but much of it looked like a realistic swashbuckling action movie.  And that was just one Cartoon serial.  This Movie on the other hand at least to me, was an extension of that cartoon I loved so dearly as a child.  In it Felix travels to the land of Oriana to rescue a princess from her evil Uncle, the Duke of Zill.  The movie itself was a nonsensical mess, but I loved every minute of it and let's face it, I am a sucker for the 80s.

8. The Wraith

Now this movie barely exist to the world if not for 5 names.  The first one more well known than the other 3.. And let's just say back then he was also winning.  That's right folks, this was one of Charlie Sheen's earlier lesser known films. The others were Clint Howard (Whom you know in every Ron Howard movie ever made.), Sherilyn Fenn (Of Twin Peaks fame)  Randy Quaid (Yes the drunk pilot from Independence Day) And Nick Cassevettes whom you might not know acting wise; but you may know him as the director of the Notebook.  Suffice to say he plays the main villain of this movie.  I found this out by accident when I was watching a tape that had two other movies on it.  One was Jason Lives and the other was Little Shop Of Horrors.  Since then there were lot's of things.  The movie itself revolves around a mysterious man named Jake Kesey (Sheen) who came to Arizona to court local Waitress Keri Johnson (Fenn) who just lost a boyfriend to murder and is now forced into a relationship with Packard Walsh (Cassevettes) leader of a gang of "Road Pirates." Who challenge their victims to dangerous drag races and use their car as collateral.  The entire town lives in fear of the gang and the Sheriff Loomis (Quaid) without evidence.  As all this is going on a mysterious figure in a black car shows up to challenge the gang, killing them one by one with his supernatural technologically advanced Car.  Whoever he is he's "Weird and Pissed off."   I love this movie due to it's 80s camp and near anime style story telling and I was surprised to find out who The Wraith really was at the time.  I was even more surprised that Cassevette's whom directed one of my most hated movies the Notebook.  Played a very intelligent, cold and psychotic villain in Packard Walsh.  It just goes to show you never know much about people. Plus it's got the best mix of 80s mix music from new wave to heavy metal.  What more can anyone ask? And that Car look up the words Turbo Interceptor and you'll see what I am talking about.

7. The Gladiator.

Now this movie is essentially what the Wraith would be like if A. It was more realistic and B. There two versions, both good and evil.

It Centers around Rick Benton a mechanic who lost his brother surviving a brush with a serial killer who uses a car with advanced illegal technology to kill people.   Benton uses his skills to convert his pick up truck to be more stronger, faster and as advanced as the car that killed his brother and becomes a vigilante called the Gladiator.   As he searches for the driver that killed his brother he decides to rid the streets of reckless drivers.  However as his quest for revenge intensifies the police think he'll go to far and try to stop him.  I liked this movie solely because it was not bad for a TV movie.  It showed the Pros and Cons of Revenge Vigilantism and unlike Wraith it actually showed a realist approach to turning a car into a dangerous street weapon.  You could very well call it Death Wish with Cars.


6. Super Mario Bros.

Personally I don't see what all the hate is all about. I mean the story of Mario at the time of this movie was released while great was pretty generic.  Mario rescues princess from evil enemies.  It wasn't until Mario 64 came out that they did an extended one in which Power Stars were involved and many worlds have problems that only the titular plumbers were the only ones that can solve it.  Before that came into fruition, this movie and the Cartoon Series were the only mediums that have put an actual storyline.  Suffice to say much of the games that came out after this movie had elements of the movie put in them.  The paintings that lead to other worlds in 64 was taken from the scene where the Bros. enter Dinohattan for the first time.  Hell Toad's Turnpike in Mario Kart looks like Dinohattan itself only cleaner.  This was the first video game movie I ever watched and I loved every minute of it.

5.  Guyver

Don't be fooled by the poster Mark Hamil does not play the titular Bio Booster fighter. This movie was a mess, an overhyped R rated Power Ranger flick and an insult to the Manga.  Say what you will about DBE but this was the worse. The suit was cheap rubber, the monsters were inaccurate in every way and they managed to take down Mark Hamill, Jeffery Combs, Jimmie Walker and David Gale a whole peg.  In fact the sequel was a lot better because it had improved storyline, costume effects and even replaced that no named guy with David Hayter.  That's right folks, Solid Snake is The Guyver.  Now you're probably wondering "If you hate this movie so much why is it a guilty pleasure."  I liked it when I was a kid, and now a days I catch it on TV and poke fun at how delightfully stupid it is.  I mean they had the Jaws theme playing while Guyver cut his way out of the stomach of one of his enemies.  This was so stupid it's awesome and I loved every minute of it.

4. Space Jam

This movie was bad but I liked it for one simple reason.  If you read my first Straight Up Review of Teen Titans Go, (Which I will not put on this list because it's not a guilty pleasure.)  you'll know I talked about a concept known as, characters on down time.  This is where it started people.  Nevermind the dull acting of Michael Jordon, or the out of character way the Tunes talked when not doing their classic shorts.....or the bunny boobies.  This showed us that offscreen the Looney Tunes are no different than the average every day actors.  They have lives outside the show and troubles every other actor is.  The only difference is that as Daffy Duck pointed out, they get screwed over on merchandise. Joking aside this movie came up with my favorite media concept and I couldn't thank it enough for it even if it did ruin the fandom that existed since the 30s.

3. The Little Shop Of Horrors

When people here this name they instantly think "The musical with Rick Moranis."  and I thought of that too, but that wasn't until I seen this.  This was what started it all the 1960 B movie Horror Comedy by B Movie Legend Roger Corman.  While many consider the musical superior, I find this better, not just because it's original but it had better characters.  For example many times Seymour killed someone in this version, he did it by accident in the most hilarious ways imaginable which further shows how bad his luck is.  It also showed a character I liked that I found to my disappointment, was never seen in the musical, Burson Fouch.  To those that don't know, Fouch was a regular customer at Mushnik's flowershop.  What makes him funny, is that he buys flowers to eat them.  When I saw that I would think Audery 2 (Audrey Jr.  in this movie.) Would be his archenemy.  Think about it, Man-eating Plant Vs Plant-eating Man.   That would have been an epic battle.  Not only that, but it was Fouch that set the plot forward.  He stated that the best flower shops keep strange and unusual plants on display which attract more customers and make more money.  Last but not least a reason to like this movie we can all agree on.  It was one of Jack Nicholson's early roles, but I won't tell you who he plays.  You'll have to find that one out. 

2. Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

Now I have no idea why this one was hated so much too.  Yes the violence is both horrifying and cartoonishly unrealistic, but it's got better cons than pros.   First off it's the only Sequel you'll ever see Culkin, in unless he ends up playing a dad in the next one.  It also has something you rarely see work in sequels: Escalation.  In the original he was simply defending his home from intruders.  In this one we see a more selfless side of Kevin McCallister is lost and alone in another city with nothing but his Wits and his dad's credit card to guide him.  He finds out that his enemies The Wet/Sticky Bandits are planning to steal money from a charity.  To make matters worse, the burglars are somewhat wise to his traps from the first movie but as Kevin says "Don't you know a kid always wins against 2 idiots?".  But my main reason for liking this movie is that it contains one of my personal favorite songs "Christmas Star." By John Williams.  Everytime I hear this song I get teary ey---- I mean some kind of dust causes my eyes to water.  Fuck it it's my 94th post no bullshit. I'm a guy and I cry at emotional moments in movies, happy now!? But ranting aside this movie was one of my greatest movies to watch as a child and it's a hell of a lot better than the sequels they got now.

1.  Small Soldiers

This is a guilty pleasure I haven't seen for a long time.   I liked it in the theater, I liked it on VHS.   Yet as I talk about this I hear that I am only part of half the majority of this movie base.  People think that it's cliched with Satire and War Movie Parodies and while that is true there is some charm to it.   The movie revolves around a Toy Company being taken over by GlobalTech a once Cold War era based weapons company that uses their money, power and Technology to try to improve the lives of civilian consumers.  In this case they help produce two lines of soldier toys. The first is the Commando Elite, a group of GI Joe like figures that set out to defend America from the other Group The Gorgonites.  These toys however are no ordinary action figures, but can move, talk and learn like regular humans thank's to Globaltech's experimental chip the X-1000.  However that is not all. Local Juvenile Delinquent Alan Abernathy purchases the two sets in order to help his father make money on his failing toystore.  Said soldiers activate and wage war against one and other and humans are caught in the middle of it. Not all is what it seems though as the Gorgonites are really peaceful monsters that simply want to find their home while the Elite want to use any means necessary to wipe them out along with anyone that gets in their way.   I was stoked when I first watched this movie and even more excited now when I found out that it was Joe Dante that created it.  Ya it's cliched and many people would rather watch something better.  It also gets bonus points for being one of the few films in the world to get permission from Led Zepplin to feature their music in it. Now that is a hell of an accomplishment.

Now normally this would be the part where I, like many reviewers would apologize for putting you through a nightmare of things you probably hate.  But let me go on record and say.....no.  Better yet, Hell No.  This may sound hypocritical, since I have on occasion have hated other guilty pleasures and spoke proudly of how much I hate them, but here's the thing: There are gonna be things I like and things I hate.  There are gonna be things I like that some people would hate and there would be things I hate that someone would like.  More power to us either way, but it doesn't mean I am gonna disrespect others for hating what I like and liking what I hate.  We may get into arguments on it and even go as far as cussing each other out and as low as calling each other names when we can't think of things to win either side of the argument.  If someone even likes something as god awful as Twilight I am gonna make my argument known but it doesn't mean I hate the person for liking it.  I just wonder why someone would like that piece of shit.  The same Twihard fan probably wonders the same about me when I mention Stephen King or Bram Stoker.   The point though is that without our guilty pleasures, we wouldn't have that one of many things that makes us as human beings so unique.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay Tuned For More. 

Saturday, 20 July 2013

Straight Up Reviews #3: Dragon Ball Z: Buu Saga

Ok you are probably wondering "How the hell are you typing this since Oni Link dismembered you?"  Well I had a feeling I'd be in a position where I'd be arm and legless, so I asked Professor Maple to whip up a telepathic typer Ala Tommyknockers.  Needless to say everything I think about is what is being typed up in this review.  My god Raven from Titans is ho--- Wait did I think that out loud? Ah screw it.  Anywho I decided this time on Straight up Reviews I would review something I truly hated.  The Buu Saga........now that I taken a moment to make sure Chu-ey and Squirty are guarding my door and protecting my maimed body from angry fanboys.  I'll explain why in the review.  But let's just say I almost lost interest in anime because of that Saga.


Now before I talk about the saga, like the first. I grew up around DBZ was still in production,  watching reruns Dragon Ball.  It was one of the first animes I seen in my childhood along with Sailor Moon, Escaflowne and Gundam Wing.  When I first watched Z it was around the Saiyan Saga and I didn't watch much of it until I was a preteen.  My personal favorite Saga was the Cell Saga and my favorite character was Gohan.

As for what is Dragon Ball/Z all about I explained it in my Could It Exist In Real Life?  Article.  If you didn't read that here is the gist of it: A group of adventurests comprised of a teen Scientist, a Pig, A thief, a Cat and a forest boy with a monkey tail go on an adventure to find 7 mystical balls that grant one wish to the one that summons the dragon.  Along the way they make new friends and fight new enemies that want the balls for themselves.  

Unlike Dragon Ball,  Z focused more on the action and fighting and less on the storyline with a few exceptions, but we all loved it anyway.  But the main story focused on Son Gohan, offspring of the hero Son Goku.  Gohan's peaceful little world is shaken, when over the years he has to train for the battles ahead of him.  From the battles against a race of space warriors known as the Saiyans, to their employer and world conqueror Lord Frieza who fears the Legendary Super Saiyan that Goku finally becomes.  To Cell a Bio-Android bent on flaunting his perfection by destroying the world. It would seem as though, Gohan was gonna take up his father's mantle and become the next protector of Earth.......how wrong were we. 

Then there was the Buu Saga.  The Next Budokai is occuring and Gohan joins under threat of blackmail by his love interest Videl.  Then and there, Goku, who died in the Cell Saga decides to come to earth for one day so he could compete.  All seems well until an intergalatic Wizard named Badibi arrives and tries to steal all the power he needs so he can summon Buu: A god like being that is capable of destroying universes.  This is where things go downhill.  You have to see this for yourself. As for why I hate this season.  Spoilers  ahead.

First and formost, bringing Goku back.  Let me go on record and say I don't hate Goku.  I loved the adventures in Dragon Ball and Z.  However two things made me cringe about this. 1. bringing Goku back would make him the main hero again overshadowing Gohan's accomplishments.  I have read comment upon comment on youtube about how useless they claim Gohan to be and that Goku is the best.  TFS even lampshaded this with their Frieza 419 joke.  Because of this it made me feel like they wasted all time focused on Gohan, from his kidnapping, to him beating Cell, for nothing.  2. The method in which he was brought back was so pointless.  The Namekian Dragon Balls have the power to bring back people more than once unlike the Earth Dragon Balls. The only reason they didn't do this, was because Goku chose to stay dead.  I could forgive Goku being brought back, if not for that stupid overlooking of a major detail.  Hell I could write it better in three lines of Dialogue.

Gohan: Buu's getting too much for me. I need Dad.
Dende: Elder we need the Dragon Balls. 
Goku: I'm back. HANG ON GOHAN I'M COMING!!!


See was that so hard?  

Second, making Gohan completely useless.  Before the Buu Saga, Gohan had become so powerful that he could whoop Goku with just a finger.  WHERE THE HELL WAS THAT!?  Don't give me that "Oh he was studying all those years he simply powered down."   He is Half Saiyan, they don't lose their power over time even if they don't train.  They lose energy but not power, big difference.  Replenishing that energy is more simpler than gaining more.  Not only that but he's Super Saiyan 2.  He achieved that before his dad, nor Vegeta showing full well that he had grown much stronger than them.  Not only that but time and again he has shown that without Goku, the planet will be safe.  Case in point the Garlic Jr. Saga. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!)  Continuity issues aside, it's main purpose was to show that when the world was in danger and Goku was not around, Gohan would be just as good or even better at handling the job.  Hell just by bringing Goku back ruined any opportunities for Gohan to have his own fair share of Sagas.  If you count Garlic Jr., he has had only 3 Sagas dedicated to him as a fighter.  Goku had the rest of the fucking show.

Third,  The Spirit Bomb.  Let me go on record and say the Spirit Bomb is the shittiest technique ever conceived in Dragon Ball history.  For those who don't know, the Spirit Bomb is a big ball of energy comprised of the life force of living things.  And while explosive in power, it is one of the most useless techniques in the series.  What's that you say? It's not useless, it worked in the movies?  You're right, but the movies are not canon to the series.  In fact it's been used too much in the movies, that many people invented a drinking game out of it.  The series on the other hand; every time it had been used up until the Buu Saga, it failed miserably.  Goku Vs Vegeta and Goku Vs Frieza.  I at first thought that the bomb wipes out pure evil since Gohan was able to bounce it back to Vegeta without harm and Vegeta didn't die because he wasn't always evil.  However the Frieza example threw that theory out the window.  Frieza was pure evil he destroyed planets either because it amused him, or because of fear of the Legend,  How would he survive a burining energy ball with only his tail burnt off?  Did he rescue a puppy on the way to Namek or what!? IT MAKES NO SENSE. Now before we get to the final Spirit Bomb, let me share a moment with you that nearly killed anime for me.  Gohan is taken to Kai world to pull out the legendary Z sword so he could fight Buu.  Pretty straight forward,  he trains with it and Goku helps him by throwing rocks to slice.  Supreme Kai decides to use Katchin the strongest metal in the universe.  The Sword breaks releasing Elder Kai. I was bummed out, but then EK decided to help unlock the rest of Gohan's hidden potential.  Which was great and in the first few minutes, he mops the floor with Buu.  Buu then absorbed him. Then and there I switched off the TV and simply lost interest.  All I could think was "What the Fuck." I rewatched it a lot of years later and when all that was settled it was a Spirit Bomb that killed Buu once and for all.  All I could think of  "No they are seriously not doing this.  This technique never worked on Vegeta.  It never worked on Frieza.   WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT WORK NOW!!!!!?"  And then they had a dance party.  The stupid was so strong that I hated anime.  It was thanks to Hayao Miyazaki and Naruto that I didn't become completely anti-anime altogether.

However all of that is forgivable if not for this last straw.

The fourth and final reason I hate this saga is: It paved the way for Dragon Ball GT.  Make what you will on that one.

When you're a reviewer or an analyzer we all have our Mt. Everest of Bad Mediums to climb.   Nostalgia Critic had his when he reviewed Garbage Pail Kids.  Linkara had his when he reviewed One More Day and Cry For Justice. Even Spoony had his for Pumkinhead.   Me it was the Buu Saga.

As usual, debate, argue and let me know when I missed. Stay Tuned For More. I must rest while my limbs regenerate.

My god did they really show Jessica Rabbit flashing he---- DAMNIT PROFESSOR SHUT THIS THING OFF!!!!!

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Tribute To BigT2000

As many who read this know I am a big fan of Legend Of Zelda.   What people don't know is that it includes the abridged series' as well.  One of my personal favorites is Link Hyrule Assassin.  Whom just recently just ended the Termina Season.  This short comic panel was inspired by a particular scene which you'll have to see for your self in the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxnWwRkvgc

Big T if you are reading this, I thought this moment would be so Demon Link. 

Friday, 12 July 2013

Rock Man/Mega Man


In 1987 Capcom created the first of many.  One of the greatest action oriented side scrolling games in the world called Rockman.  Which we know as Megaman.  It had spawned into too many mediums that I could count.  From spin off games such as X and Battle Network, to cartoon shows and even movies. Even as we speak it's still going to the point where it has been announced that Rock will be a playable character in Wii-U's Super Smash Bros.

The story goes like so. Two Scientists, Doctor Light and Doctor Wily create a six robots in an effort to improve construction labor.  Doctor Wily eventually became disloyal and stole the 6 Robots to wreak havoc and take over the world.  In desperation Light sends Rock, the second of 3 humanoid robots he created, to stop Wily.  Rock was special because unlike the other six Robots whom had one fixed ability;  Rock had the ability to mimic any tool, weapon and ability he could appropriate into his systems.  Along with his sister Roll and their Robotic Dog Rush, Rock became Megaman and sought out to defeat Wily on every turn.


Now for the fun part.  Could It Exist In Real Life?

Now for the 6 Robots, or in the Game's Terms, Robot Masters.  Each one has a fixed ability which before their malevolency was used to improve construction Labor as well as handling daily tasks.  However these actually exist without futuristic Technology.  A big example is the Bomb Disposal Robot used to wander dangerous territory to detect, disarm and destroy any explosives.

Next is the titular character himself.  This one took longer because I was looking for a Robot that could not only move on it's own but it's sole purpose was to save lives.  According to Mother Nature Network I found one.  Now this is most recent as the article they published happened today.  DARPA created a robot that can move, jump and walk just like a regular human being.  They call him ATLAS after the Greek God.  What makes this robot special than ones I mentioned in other articles is that this robot through a series of tests, has learned to adapt to obstacles  at pin point accuracy. Kinda like a certain blue boy that can adapt his weaponry at any given situation.  Many people refer it as a real life Terminator.  But those Technophobes don't know shit.  I prefer to call it the real life Mega Man.  Now all it needs is a human face and a charging cannon and you got the whole shebang.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I miss. Stay Tuned For More.  Oh and if you see Doctor Wily begging for his life kill the bastard, Mega has spared him one too many times.

5 facts you didn't know about well known Celebrities

While I was on my journey to seek out the truth in fiction I noticed very interesting facts about certain celebrities both living and dead that very few people know, but when found out they go something along the lines of "Holy shit I didn't know that."  This list here is 5 of those people.


5.  Bruce Lee used to be a bully.
That's right, the man who became a legend in both the action movie business as well as the Martial Arts business, was actually a bully used to get into fights wherever he went.  In Hong Kong he was known for his poor grades and violent temper.  After one brush too many with the police, Bruce was sent to America by his parents in hopes that the change in scenery would help him.   And it did, along the way he used his reputation as "Cha Cha Champion." To make extra money giving other travelers dancing lessons and upon arriving he got a job as a live in waiter at a restaurant owned by Ruby Chow.  Then and there he finished his highschool education and even enrolled in the Universty of Washington, where he got among all things, his degree in Philosophy and his future wife Linda.  It goes to show that not all bullies have bad things happen to them.

4. Mr. T was a bodyguard before he became an actor.




Before T became the modern day superhero we knew, loved and sometimes feared, he was a bodyguard who protected about almost everyone, prostitutes, welfare recipients, teachers, preachers, bankers and store owners.  When his reputation on protection had improved he also added celebrities into the list such as Steve McQueen and Michael Jackson.  It was during that time, he entered in NBC's "America's Toughest Bouncer." one of the competitions was boxing and it was then and there Sly discovered him and gave him the part of Clubber Lang in Rocky III.  The rest is history on that one.  Though word to the wise,  if you are playing World Of Warcraft and see a Night Elf Mohawk, run away. Because T is coming for you Fool!!!

3.  Rob Zombie was a production assistant to Pee Wee's Playhouse.

No you read that right, Rob Zombie.  Yes that Rob Zombie, the guy that's been known as one of the founding members of the Death Metal genre.  Them man who's created a world where everyone is an asshole or a psychotic killer through movies, like House of 1000 Corpses and the Devil's Rejects started out as a production assistant.  The messed up part is, I found this out by accident.  I was looking to see if Pee Wee got his idea from Andy's Funhouse.  (He didn't, but it's a good rumor.)  I am just as shocked as you are.  Still knowing that makes me wonder if he came up with the "Everything Talks" gags.  I mean Reubins mind is warped but Zombie's is more warped.


2.  Scott Melville was a Brony before it existed.

Before he became known in such roles as Robin of Teen Titans and Max of Dark Cloud 2 Fame. One of his early roles included Danny Williams 1 of 3 human children who got transported into Ponyland (Before they changed the name to Equestria) whenever the ponies needed their help.  This was during the Generation 1 My Little Pony series, you'd either have to be a hardcore fan of the show, or just someone that has a vast knowledge of actors.  I'm the latter by the way.  Melville makes a subtle hint of his stint on the show during an episode of Teen Titans Go.  Goddamn it. I swear if I rhyme again I am gonna patent it as Suess-itus.........what I couldn't find a picture of Scott Melville.

1. Almost every famous celeb used to be victims of Bullying.

It's true actually many celebs have actually been bullying victims themselves.  No hand in the world can count how many.  But I can name a few.

Christan Bale for example when he started out as a Child Star, was bullied because of his success. Personally until Rises came out I never took him seriously as Batman, but hearing this story makes me glad he got to be the titular Dark Knight.  At the very least it probably got the kids (Who were probably his age by now.) To fear and respect him and regret what they did.

Even Internet celebs were the victims of Bullying.



During his review of "Mazes and Monsters" Noah Antwiler aka The Spoony One, lamented that he along with fellow players of the famous Dungeons and Dragons Role Playing Game, were bullied not only by other kids but teachers.  This was strictly due to the controversy surrounding the game at the time.  Now I know he isn't the only celeb internet or otherwise, but upon looking for a proper list I discovered a lot of name, some well known, some not so known in the public eye.  Celebs such as Robin Williams, Matt Groening.  Personally I never played, nor participated in any form of Dungeons and Dragons.  I don't hate it and would like to try it out, but do not know where to start.  The game intimidates me.  I grew up when Zelda was still growing and got used to that and while I love that series I know it can't compete with D&D if they decided to go at each other.  Hell I found out to my shock that even Mr. Rogers is in it.  As a character. I'm dead serious.  But I ramble on, the point though is many of the great celebs for various reasons has been victims of bullying in the end they get the last laugh as they become bigger successes than the people that bully him. (With the exception of Bruce Lee who was the bully.)  Huh I just noticed something.  If you shave off Bale's beard he and Spoony look kinda similar.  Makes me wonder if they ever do a biopic on Spoony would Bale play him?


As usual, debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay Tuned For More.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Pun Clock

Just a thing I got inspired to do by Dawn of Atop The Fourth Wall Live. Enjoy.

Puppet Master

One of the most underrated classics in the world.  Puppet master has been known to two things that rarely occur in a horror franchise.  It at first scares you with the obvious suspense and terror these little dolls have to offer but as well as mystify you with the story behind them.  This series has spawned 9 sequels,  a face off movie with Demonic Toys, (I'll get to that one eventually.)  and was the first movie to put Indie company: Full Moon Production on the map. However due to the multiple choice storyline of the sequels, I am gonna focus on just the first movie. Now I warn you, this may have spoilers.

The story starts off with a slight backstory. In 1939 California Eccentric, but kindly puppeteer Andre Toulon just put the finishing touches on his last puppet, The Jester.  What makes his puppets so unique is that not only do they not require strings, but they also can movie and have personalities of their own.  Another Puppet, Blade (Who latter became the mascot for the entire Puppet Master Franchise.) known for having a knife for a hand; rushes the Inn Toulon is staying at to warn him that two Gestapos are coming after him.  Toulon after storing the puppets shoots himself so that they don't know the secret to his puppetry.

50 Years later four psychic colleagues gather together at the Inn after receiving a psychic call from their friend, Neil Gallagher.  However upon arriving, they find out from his wife Megan,  that their friend shot himself.  That is not even the worse part.  While being plagued by visions of things to come, each one is being targeted and killed by  Toulon's puppets: Blade whom we know.  Pinhead a bulky puppet with great strenght, Tunneler a puppet with a drill for a head and Leech Woman who throws up deadly leeches.  As the body count rises, one psychic, Alex who has prophetic dreams and Megan survive to find out the shocking truth behind the murders as well as the secret to why the puppets are alive.

Now for the fun part, Could It Exist In Real Life?

Ok this one is gonna be a tricky one, but yes it can.

I will not discuss the psychic's abilities because many of them are rehashes of theories I put in my previous entries. As well as being Irrelevant to the true cast members, the puppets.  Seriously folks they actually just hand wave the psychic thing like it's an every day occurrence anyway.

Ok the puppets can no doubt exist in two ways.  One is that creating the puppets is easy, as they are just ordinary hand carved puppets without any strings.  But the main factor is bringing them to life.  The first way was what was explained in my Frankenstein analysis, in that the Puppets are a mix between creating a Homunculus and breathing life to it with the Elixir of life.  Alchemy had played a big role in this series.  However the second way is more or less an extension of the first way as I found the specific cause of their life bringing abilities.  Say hello to the White Powder Of Gold.  The White Powder of gold is a legendary substance that when mixed with ordinary water can produce the famed Elixir.  Legend has it that it was discovered in Ancient Egypt.  Why this is relevant? Because throughout the entire series including the first movie it was said that the puppets were brought to life by a mysterious formula found by Toulon in Egypt.  Said formula doesn't just bring inanimate objects to life, but also prolong death as demonstrated when Neil survived his intentional suicide.  It was said to have been lost but according to whitepowdergold.com they found it.  However I do advise against it for 2 reasons.  1.  If what Mathew Patrick said was true about Colloidal Silver, then you might get the same result from that or worse. 2. Even if it does work you shall live an eternity of torment, watching your friends and loved ones grow old and die while you stay young and alive.

As usual debate, argue, and let me know what I missed.  Stay Tuned For More. 

Friday, 5 July 2013

The Adventures of Professor Maple # 2 aka The Adventures of ST Filmmaker #7


I figured the normally Dark Comedic web comic was a little too Dark so I thought I would do something lighter.

Gremlins

Gremlins was considered one of the most influential fantasy horrors in the world.  It showed that even a nice holiday like Christmas can have it's darker moments, and even that not everything is as seems. From the minds of Stephen Spielberg, Joe Dante and Chris Columbus (Yes that one.)  It has also been one of 4 movies to be the first to adopt PG-13 Ratings. (The others being Temple of Doom, Poltergeist, and the original Clash of The Titans.) due to it's comically over the top violence, but not so scary enough to warrant an R rating. It has spawned a sequel and various games. It even became the inspiration of a once popular thing that I will get to later.

The story goes like so Randal Peltzer, an absent minded inventor was searching all throughout Chinatown to advertise his latest invention, the bathroom buddy. A swiss army knife like device, full of various bathroom hygene gadgets.  Along the way he is trying to get a Christmas present for his son Billy, a banker who is in love with the Christmas hating, but all around nice girl Kate Beringer. As well as running a foul of Ruby Deagle the owner of the bank who loves to talk about killing dogs.  Upon searching, Randal goes to an antique store run by Mr. Wing an elderly man who owns many strange and unusual items as well as his grandson who is more in the real world and wants to help his Grandfather's store make money.  Among these items is a Mogwai, an apparent cute cuddly creature that likes to sing.  Mr. Wing of course does not want to sell him because he's afraid that Peltzer wouldn't be ready to handle the responsibility.  However his grandson sells it anyway and instructs him on how to take care of the Mogwai with 3 straightforward rules.

1. Keep him away from bright lights, flashes could scare and harm him and direct sunlight will kill him.
2. Do not get him wet.  No bathes, no water to drink. 
3. The most important rule, no matter how much they beg, or how much they cry.....never....EVER.....feed him after midnight.

Randal takes the Mogwai, now named Gizmo home and gives it to Billy as an early Christmas present. Gizmo wins the entire family over (Hell even the dog likes him.) But Billy screws up and breaks the second rule.  Discovering that getting Gizmo wet can produce other Mogwais Asexually.  These ones however, are more aggressive than the kind hearted Gizmo.  (Except the one he gives to his science teacher. He only gets mad because of the blood test.) The most aggressive being Stripe, who is known for his Mohawk like stripe on his head. The Mogwais save for Gizmo tricks Billy into feeding after midnight and he discovers to their horror that they transform into terrfying havoc wreaking reptile like creatures bent on destroying their small town.  Billy, Gizmo and Kate must stop them before they find more water and do more damage. 

Now for the fun part.  Could it Exist In Real Life?

For starters, Gremlins were based off of an urban legend based off a practical Joke in World War II in which soldiers claimed that the reason their equipment have been Malfunctioning were because of tiny creatures sent by the Nazis to trash them.  This legend has been referenced throughout the entire movie.   However there is a grain of truth to it. While most regarded as fake there was a race of creatures mostly found in South America known as Duende's small Gnome like creatures that hide in the walls of buildings, only coming out when children or young adults are at play. The most famous example is a video of two kids playing kickball before spotting and screaming at a running Duende. This type of behavior is more benevolent than the titular Gremlins in this movie, but that doesn't scrap it completely since Mogwai are benevolent creatures most of the time

Now the other example is one more practical so practical that many people already know this already.   About 8 years after the release of Gremlins 2 Tiger Electronics came up with a toy.  Sort of a mechanical pet that can talk, move and even learn from it's surroundings.  That pet was called Furby.  Now I know what you're thinking "But that's just a coincidence, they aren't mogwai." But let's break down the similarities:
1.  Both are very cute and curious.
2.  Both have their own language but throughout time gradually learn how to speak English.
3. Both have multicolored fur and beak like mouths.

Hell Tiger Electronics even caught on to the similarities and created a Gizmo colored Furby, then later on an authentic looking version of Gizmo.

The only differences is they don't turn into Gremlins....yet.  And if you dump water on them they won't make more.  They would just short out and die.......now that I taken a moment to sink in the fact that I just ruined your childhood I am off.  A certain science created pet of my own needs help.

As usual, debate, argue, and let me know what I missed.  Stay Tuned For More.

Oh one more thing. If your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your video recorder conks out; before you call the repairman turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds, 'cause you never can tell there just might be a gremlin in your house.

Thursday, 4 July 2013

Sesame Street

Now we all heard the theme song "Sunny day sleeping the clouds away." There is not one person on this planet even now that doesn't know Sesame Street.  Why? Because it's still going on.  No matter the controversies, the old fashioned comedy or even the deaths and/or leavings of many of it's original cast.  Sesame Street has no sign of stopping whatsoever. There's their currently ongoing show, various spin offs, games, and even so far two feature films.  However I will not go into whether or not the characters exist in real life.  I am saving that for The Muppet Show.  I am here to answer the question that has been asked for decades "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street."  Before I answer that while it seems rare there is another question to answer. "What exactly is Sesame Street?"

Surprisingly while his Puppets and most of his cast were involved, Sesame Street wasn't created by the late great Jim Henson.

In 1966 television producer Joan Ganz Cooney and Vice President of Carnegie Foundation, Lloyd Morrisett wanted to create a show that in their own words. "Master the addictive qualities of television and do something good with them."  Such as helping children prepare for school.   After 2 years and funding from both Carnegie, Ford and the U.S. Federal Government; an organization was formed known as The Children's Television Workshop.  The show premiered a year later on Public Broadcasting Stations with mixed results.  However by now it has broadcasted to over 120 countries around the world.  It's format was rather simple for its time, using a combination of Puppetry (courtesy of Jim Henson himself.), live action segments, and animations. All of which designed to make kids laugh, as well as educate them on some things to prepare for in life and education.   However of all three the puppets were the most notable.  Even now we all know them by heart.
To name a few:

Big Bird: The 8 foot tall loveable bird who has a child like view of the world.

Oscar the Grouch: A monster dwelling in a trashcan.  If there was something we liked, he would hate with a passion..

Bert and Ernie: Those two guys, Bert would be the only sane man to Ernie's crazy antics.

While the show was well received it was not without it's share of controversies.  The most well known one being the Death of Mr. Hooper.  For those who don't know Mr. Hooper was the kindly owner of Hooper's store which sells just about anything including, Bird's trademark favorite beverage: Birdseed Milk Shakes.  The actor who played Hooper, Will Lee, died of a heart attack December 1982.  Rather than replace him like most kid shows would have done at the time; Sesame Street instead has had Mr. Hooper die off screen and rather than tip toe around it they handle it no different than a Very Special Episode of the average sitcom at the time.  In this episode, Big Bird and to an extent all the children in the audiences around the world learn about death for the first time in their life.  This move by Children's Television Workshop was meant so that any parents watching with their children could properly discuss death with them.  It also goes to show that despite all the whimsical and humor that goes on in Sesame Street, it's still no different than your street, or mine or the whole world.

Now for the fun part. Could It Exist In Real Life?  Yes it can in more ways than one.  For starters the end credits of the 1990s seasons you'll notice a few familiar landmarks in the animated sequence. One of which being the statue of Liberty.  So obviously Sesame Street is in New York.  However where in New York is a mystery. Just for kicks I typed it in the google maps and to my surprise I found 7 all of them in New York.  Now here's another surprise for you.   There are actually 8 and one of them is not like the others.  The 8th one is featured in the famous film "Follow That Bird."  In which there was a whole new Sesame Street made specifically for the movie.  The 8th Sesame Street is in Toronto Ontario Canada. I came to the logical conclusion that because Sesame Street is broadcast everywhere, that it is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.  Sesame Street is in a parallel dimension. A dimension where only child actors, muppets and celebrity guest stars can access.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay Tuned For More. And now you know how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Ah Ah Ah.

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Buried Alive

Well after taking on a oil puking dragon I realized I haven't done a CIEIR in a while so I will not dissappoint.  This one I have personal history with as it was one of the few movies I have seen during my childhood.  Like most of them, it was in glimpses and in this case I seen a man who I would now know as Tim Matheson screaming in a coffin. That image plus the title of the movie burned into my head for a long time.  Very few people have heard of Buried Alive however it has had a great history behind the scenes.  It was directed by Frank Darabont who was famous for works such as adapting Three of Stephen Kings stories and just recently created The Walking Dead.  So he is no stranger to coffins.  It also had an all star cast ranging from Otter from Animal House (The Aforementioned Matheson above.), Jennifer Jason Leigh of Ridgmount High Fame,  Willam Atherton whom you may know as Dick Thornburg of Die Hard or Walter "Dickless" Peck of Ghostbusters fame. (With apologies to him in advance I am sure he is a nice guy and real life and probably sick of the dick jokes.) and The late Hoyt Axton whom I know from another movie I will get to soon, Gremlins. 

The story begins with Clint Goodman (Matheson), a contractor who seems to have a good life.  A man whom through years of hard work in both New York City and the unnamed small town he lives in now; earned him a house he built with his bare hands and a construction company. He is also good friends and fishing buddies with the local Sheriff Sam Eberly (Axton).  However not all is well in his little world as his ungrateful bit---- excuse me, his loving wife, Joanna is resentful to him constantly for the peaceful life they have now.....wait why is that a bad thing!?  Anyway to make matters even worse Joanna is having an affair with local Doctor Cort Van Owen (Atherton) Who convinces her to kill him via poisoning so they could collect not only his life insurance but as well as the right to sell his company for a 1.5 million dollars.  Joanna does the deed and Clint is killed. Huh give Peck some credit, at least he intentionally tried to kill somebody this time.  However due to her eagerness to leave the town, as well as collect the money, she makes sure they don't autopsy him.  This comes back to bite them for it turns out Clint survived his attempted poisoning and digs his way out.  Upon collecting himself and finding out what happened, Clint decides that instead of simply shooting her and Cort he decides to enact a complicated scheme to get even with his wive and her lover.

Now for the fun part, Could It Exist In Real Life?

First let's start with the poison.  The fish itself is not named, but the way Cort describes it is that it's both a delicacy but also deadly if not done right.  The only delicacy in the world that is known for that is Fugu, a Japanese delicacy derived from what is commonly known as the Puffer Fish. As pointed out, if not prepared right, the fish can poison the consumer and it is one of the most deadliest poisons in the world. One of which has no known cure.  While it has no cure it can be worn off given the right amount of time and dosage.  As proven when Joanna carelessly only put a small amount in Clints wine.  He suffered the symptoms and went into cardiac arrest. He was alive for now but just clinically dead and paralyzed.  But because of the small dosage it wore off the night he was buried.  How he came back to life is another story.

And this story is rather simple.  Studies have shown a rare phenomena known as the Lazarus Syndrome, in which a person who is clinically dead spontaneously comes back to life when the heart just starts beating through mysterious circumstances.  Many Doctors have tried to invoke the syndrome over the years through the use of Adrenaline shots and defibrillators.  To this day no one knows why LS even happens.

Last but not least there is the aspect of being Buried Alive.  According to  Todayiknow.com  a human being can survive 2 hours being buried alive in a coffin because of the Oxygen being stored so long as they don't panic.  The site also said that if one were buried alive in a cheap flimsy coffin, much like the water damaged one Clint was placed in.  They could easily break out of it.  However I must stress that you do not try this at home.  You could kill yourself.  I don't care if you are a licensed stunt guy or an illusionist or even if you are just some adrenaline junkie looking for the next extreme. DO NOT DO THIS STUPID THING!!! However if you do find yourself in a situation where you are buried alive, make sure you have a cellphone with a good battery and signal reach.  It could save your life.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I miss.  Stay Tuned For More.

Monday, 1 July 2013

Adventures of S.T. Filmmaker #6





Sorry this one took too long I had to redraw that evil Trainer Wannabe.  Anywho this is by far the longest darkest one of the series. Happy Canada Day everybody.