Internet Defense League


Saturday, 30 March 2013


This April since April Fools is coming around.  I am gonna dedicate a chunk of it to superheroes.  When I wrote my Justice League Article. I felt that mere summaries wouldn't do it Justice.  So starting this April I am gonna defictionalize every single one the most well known Superheroes that I haven't done individual Articles on. Why on April Fools, well what's a better place to start than with Batman and Superman. Since the former did battle with a psychotic clown who thinks Anarchy and Chaos are the most important part of comedic routine. Stay Tuned.

Last Action Hero

Last Action Hero was for lack of a better word, a bit of a mess.  Partially because Jurassic Park was playing along side it and the rest was history.... The other part was to try to cash in on an Arnold parody which to this day is divided between. "It's not so bad." "It F**ing Sucks." and "At least it's not -Insert Twilight/Batman and Robin/ Anything by Michael Bay Joke here-."  This bombed at the box office, but much like Tron and The Thing, it gained a cult following and a video game.

The movie starts with Danny, a kid who spends most of his after school (and sometimes during school.) days going to the theater and watching the latest Arnold Schwarzenegger movie series, Jack Slater.  A cop who despite trying to be by the book is always going on an adventure which tears apart the city.  (Or in the recent movie, caused the death of his son.)  After being burglarized in his house Danny goes to the theater again where Nick, his friend and head projectionist of the theater; offers him a private screening of the recent Slater film, Jack Slater IV.  Along the way he hands Danny a ticket he claims to belong to Harry Houdini, which is supposed to have magical powers.  During the screening the ticket reacts to the movie and Danny finds himself into the world of Jack Slater, where the laws of movie cliche's apply.  He must now prove to Jack that he is in a movie while trying to stop an evil plot by the recent villain Benedict, while at the same time find a way home.

Now for the fun part Could It Exist In Real Life?

First off before I say what I am about to say.  I am well aware that there is no such thing as a magic ticket that sucks people into movies.  Believe me if I had my hands on that why would I be doing a defiction blog when I could just swipe money and make out with hot celebrit----- Forget I said that last one.

Ok first and foremost the Jack Slater universe.  This concept can exist, through two cosmological theories.  Theory Number 1: The Multiverse, a theory where there is a possibility of multiple universes as well as multiple earths.  Theory Number 2: Fictional Realism,  this is a branch theory of Theory 1, in which logic states that if more than one universe exists, there should also be multiple universes where fictional characters are living and breathing.  In the case of Last Action Hero, there exists 2 universes separate from our own. The first is The Last Action Hero Universe, in which the same rules as this universe apply, such as real world wounds and cuts and no instant explosions.  The only difference is the characters in it are not real.  The Second universe is the Jack Slater Universe in which the laws of action movie physics no matter how implausible will apply.  In other words it's Michael Bay's version of Heaven. 

Second of all is the Ticket. While I said it cannot exist, the concept can. For starters the giver, Harry Houdini, is a real life magician and has had a hobby of searching for items on the occult.  Then there's Danny, Nick said that the Magic wasn't in the Ticket, but in Danny.  Which can only mean one thing. He is a Time Lord. 

As usual, debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay Tuned For More.  I'll be back.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Go Karting With Bowser

I'd thought I do another thing differently.  Rather than just limit myself to mediums, I shall defictionalize certain concepts in the long run too.  For my first one I will try to start with.  Go Karting With Bowser.  This was a concept invented by TV Tropes, made famous by the Mario Kart series.  The concept was based around a question many gamers including myself have asked: If Bowser is this evil jackass that is destroying worlds and kidnapping the princess then why the hell is he invited to race Go Karts?  However the trope stretches further than that.  It usually depicts two or more people, heroes and villains respectively who take a break from fighting each other and just do something for kicks.  L plays tennis with Kira, Flash plays darts with Trickster, Bond plays Golf with Goldfinger. and even Popeye and Bluto get along when Olive is not involved.

However with all the things going on in the world, from diseases, war, famine, slavery etc.  There is no way that it could happen in real life could it?

As a matter of fact it can.

In World War 1, warring German, French and Britished Troops negotiated a ceasefire so they could celebrate Christmas.  When the day the cease fire was supposed to end they have gotten to know each other so well, that they couldn't bring themselves to kill each other again. 

In 1936 The Olympic Games were hosted in Berlin Germany and Attended by Adolf Hitler himself as well as many of the countries that would be Enemies to The Axis 3 years after.  While Hitler didn't compete in the games personally, but it counts.  Still now that I think about it, I feel bad for Bowser. I mean all he did was trash the kingdom and kidnapped people. At least he drew the line at World War and Genocide.  Hell is it no coinicedence that Bowser himself participated in Mario and Sonic's Olympic games and Hitler was only just spectating the 1936 games?  Just goes to show the most evil people on the earth watch rather than do. Why am I comparing Hitler to Bowser you say?  Well a certain orginization and I am not gonna say who made a false constantly parodied claim that if you played video games, you'd become a Nazi and as both a gamer and a man who's great grandfather served in WWII I have this to say. You obviously never played a game in your life and that is why you're so damn miserable.

In a non war example Althlete's Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley who were rivals in the courts often spend their off time playing golf with one and other.  If he got Ewing and Mugsly the same way he's 2 players away from a full Space Jam.

As usual debate argue and let me know what I missed, stay tuned for more and I'm off to see if that Riffin Guy wants to play poker.

Monday, 25 March 2013

Trick R Treat

It's not Halloween but I thought I would go over this movie because I have heard so much about it. Yet I haven't seen it yet.  However I know enough to know the basics. Trick R Treat is one of the most underrated horror classics of the 2000s.  While most people were preoccupied with waiting for Twilight to come out and others were waiting to jeer Rob Zombie's Halloween.  The only sane people in the vast majority of horror and macabre went to see this movie. The movie itself was based off a short cartoon called Season's Greetings which involved a creepy kid going Trick r Treating.  Since then there have been a series of promos, most famously the holiday themed ones in which said kid starts messing with the other holidays for kicks.  He's already bumped off the Easter Bunny, who knows what he'll do to Santa.

Trick R Treat was an anthology series that focused less on the story and more on the tradition of Halloween.  5 stories revolve around one character or another breaking a certain tradition whether they intend to or not.  However despite no focus on story it does have a pattern in the form of a little kid in footie pajamas and wearing a burlap sack for a mask who serves as a constant reminder.  His name is Sam and he's here to tell you that if you break the rules of all Hallows Eve, you die either by his hand or by the hands of others. 

Now I know what you are thinking "There's no way the stuff in this movie can possibly exist right?" Let's find out.

First let's start with the rules of Halloween.  There are 4 spoken rules and one implied. These rules are violently enforced by Sam and others who go by them.

Rule #1 Always wear a costume.  This rule is relevant since it's not Halloween if you aren't in one sort of costume or another.  Hell Sam himself didn't take much effort in his and yet he's still the scariest thing in the holiday.  However it's also crucial in real life for the following reasons.  The first is that if you were to get lost during the night and people call the police to help search for you, it's rather easy to spot you in your described costume than it is when you are in regular clothes. Especially if you customized it yourself.  The second reason and it's the most important, you are most likely to get candy in costume than you are just going as yourself.  Not everyone can pull the "Serial killers look just like everyone else." look.

Rule #2 Pass out Treats.  If you choose not to go outside the least you can do is help contribute to the other Trick R Treater's fun by giving out candy.  It could even save your life if not for a few minutes as proven when Mr. Kreeg had a run in with Sam.  In real life however it keeps your house from getting egged. Though if you run out of candy that's an entirely different story.

Rule #3 Don't blow out the Jack O Lantern's.  Halloween is not over unless the day itself is over and Sam is there to remind you that in the form of a jagged lollipop.. In real life on the other hand there is no consequence for doing's just rude.

Rule #4 Always check your candy.  Let Charlie be an example of why not only should you not steal from others, but you should always check your candy.  This is one of the more realistic rules since it not only applies to the movie, but also real life.  Unless you know the neighborhood really well.  You never really know what to expect when you are Trick R Treating. The candies could be drugged, poisoned and even some have razor blades embedded in them.  If there is any of those or other oddities that would harm you and or your children, call the authorities. 

And Rule #5 this rule is the only one neither spoken nor implied, yet we all follow it for our own safety.  Never go out alone.  This applies to real life as well because Halloween has had a record number of missing people. Most of them children.   This is mainly because the mayhem in Trick R Treating as well as the dark atmosphere would get any loner lost and at risk of bad things happening from muggings to even murder.   It's also way Rule 1 is highly emphasized since the majority people out on Halloween would be in costume. If your costume stands out its very easy for a parent, or a police officer to spot you should you get lost.  However if you are with a group of friends or family members you are more likely to come home safe.  Save for a severe stomach ache from eating too much candy. 

Now for the last one.  Could Sam Exist In Real Life? The answer is yes and no.  Sam is the embodiment of Samhain a celtic holiday that was believed to be the origins of Halloween. Back in those times should anyone not follow certain tradition, they were to be sacrificed to the gods.  Nowadays that's frowned upon. But that doesn't mean everyone doesn't stick to the old ways. 

As usual, debate, argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay tuned for more.

Saturday, 23 March 2013

Top 5 Greatest Defictionalizors in Movie History

In this post I am gonna do something completely different.  I am gonna make a list of the best defictionalizors in movie history. While this top list is about defictionalizors its sad to say what happens does not exist in real life....yet. 

5.  The Thermiens from Galaxy Quest.

For those that don't know they are a race of  aliens who mistaken a popular Sci-Fi show as a real space battle and recruit the actors in a replica.  At first said actors save for William Sha--- I mean Jason Nesmith are reluctant and at first do a crappy job.  However after learning to work together and realizing what they missed on the show they become the heroes that they played on TV.  What's so great about the Thermiens is that not only are they obsessed fans of the "Historical Documents." But they went as far as using their advanced tech to recreate the ship and weapons for the actors to use.

4.  The Mexican Villagers from The Three Amigos.

Here is something that is like Galaxy Quest but without the space themes. Ironically this was made before Galaxy.  Three Actors, under the impression that a letter for help in Mexico was an offer for an acting gig. When they find out that's not the case rather than run they use their acting talents to save the day.  What makes the Villagers more awesome is that while unlike the Thermiens who were aided by their advanced technology.  These Villagers used what they can to help the Three win in the end. Showing that when a town is in danger and there's heroes to stand behind, the townspeople refuse to take any crap from the bad guys.

3. Charley Brewster from Fright Night.

Here's a guy that is obsessed with horror. However unlike some idiots that would walk in guns blazing and get killed for their troubles.  Charley has the sense to try to talk to someone else who could.  He started normally by talking to the cops, who of course don't believe him. Out of options he turns to Peter Vincent, actor and self proclaimed vampire slayer.  Vincent like others at first think Charley is a crazy fan. However upon his own encounter with the undead, he gets his act together and prepares to kick ass.  What makes Charley better than the other two is that he takes on his fair share of fights without getting bit. 

2.  Jeff from My Name is Bruce.

Imagine if Charely were a lot more paranoid than Tony Montana on a bender.   You would have Jeff a fan obsessed with the God of B movie Badasses, Bruce Campbell. When he accidentally unleashes a demon bent on killing him and his family bloodline (Which hilariously means his entire home town.) He calls the man who is less than thrilled thinking he is in another bad B movie.  Unlike the other 3 who face the challenge when Sh** gets real. Bruce promptly retreats.   What makes Jeff better than Charely though is while Charely is intentionally smart, Jeff is inadvertently smart. It only takes him calling Bruce intending to sacrifice himself to the monster to snap Bruce out of his funk and kick some Ash. Hail to the King indeed.

1. Ben Chapalski Aka Choda Boy from Orgazmo.
This guy should have his picture on the definition of Defictionalization. Here we have a man who plays a side kick in a low budget action, superhero, pornography, starring along side a Mormon Missionary playing the title role. But off screen he's a master martial artist, a former MIT Grad and an inventor who manages to make every single gadget from said movie, including the Orgazmorator. A laser like weapon that triggers sexual release on anyone it shoots.  But that's not all, he manages to recruit said Mormon to fight evil as the roles they played on screen.  This makes him both the defictionalizor and one of the two actors he defictionalizes.  Not only that but he also does something different.  In the porno they play in it's Orgazmo who's the leader and Choda Boy as the sidekick.  However the "Real" Orgazmo and Choda Boy's roles have reversed.  Ben becomes the leader because he made the gadgets as well as the strategies and this also makes him the mentor of the titular hero.  All this is the reason why he takes the number 1 spot.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay Tuned for More.

Friday, 22 March 2013


Portal has been regarded as one of the greatest physics action games in the world. It has 2 games, plus Tie-In comics as well as a whole load of memes and merchandise both made by it's company Valve as well as fans of the series.

The story begins with Chell, a woman who wakes up in stasis and is greeted by a seemingly friendly AI named GlaDOS.  Chell's purpose in life is to go through a series of scientific tests aided by prosthetics that protect her from  high altitude falls and a telepotation gun that has two travel points.  Throughout the testing Chell discovers things rather fishy about her stay at Aperture Science and her host.  So she escapes the testing grounds to find out what.

Now for the fun part.  Could it exist in real life.

First let's start with Chell's equipment.

There's her advanced Knee replacement.  Two prosthetics attached to her legs designed to absorb she shock of fall from even the highest of places. This can exist but it goes by another name, Spring Boots.  Spring Boots are essentially two miniature stilts that are designed to improve running and jumping on the wearer.  As for absorbing shock, it can do that but the limit to that is unknowable. However I must advise you readers not to try this at home on account of the risk of shoving your legs into your chest.

The next thing is the Portal Gun itself.  This is a yes and no because the theory exists as for testing it out that's a different story. The theory of the portal gun was based around Nikola Tesla.  A brilliant scientist who believed that using magnets and antennas you can teleport objects and even people from one place to another without any harm.  As for actual testing that there is where it's debatable.  Destination Creation, the folks behind the scale hoverboard, did a video giving instructions on how to do this. However unlike the hoverboard, which was proven true.  The experiment known as Tesla's wall was debated as using special effects to make the illusion of teleportation.  While I do advise not to try this at home, unless this is proven, no one may ever know.

Now on with the other gadgets.

There is the Repulsion and Propulsion gels.  The Repulsion Jell acts like a spring that is designed to bounce the jumper higher than they can jump. It can exist for it is ordinary silly putty which is able to bounce really high depending on how far it falls.  If it can bounce off objects at falling speed what's to say that objects can't bounce off it if there's enough placed?  The Propulsion Gel reduces the friction of any surface it comes across.  This is just ordinary oils such as vegetable oils. Though I advise you not to try that at home, you will slip and fall.

The Turrets also exist, but contrary to what you see, they are not robots. They are what is known as a camera gun. A form of extreme security surveillance which shoots the intended target.  This particular camera gun has a speaker rigged to it with prerecorded phrases................Extremely specific and creepy prerecorded phrases.

The Companion cube also exists.  It's ancestor was known as the Pet Rock.  Like it, there is nothing the companion cube would do to displease it's companion.  Yet that didn't stop Chell from burning it.

Last but not least is GlaDOS herself.  I already went on and on like a broken record about AI however this subject is different. As this particular AI is based off of brain uploading.  A hypothetical process that involves uploading the human brain or consciousness onto a computer interface.  Unless this is proven, much like AI it is a Yes and No.  However much like AI there may be an exception. 

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I miss.  Stay tuned for more and I am off to find out if the cake really is a lie.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Nightmare On Elm Street

A Nightmare on Elm Street was one of the horror movies that put Wes Craven on the map.  The other two being The Hills Have Eyes and The Last House on The Left.  This franchise was one of the first that got me obsessed with horror movies as a genre because it was the first movie to scare me when I was a kid.  However Freddy scared me long before I even watched the series.  As said in my Star Trek analysis I am Canadian. Why this is relevant I will tell you.  When I was a kid my family took a trip to Niagara Falls, Ontario among most things we seen Marine Land and The Movie Land Wax Museum.  Among the sculptures we seen the Simpsons, Pumpkinhead, and Freddy Krueger. He'd be like 5 foot nothing compared to me now, but at the time he was 100 feet tall for all I cared.  Burnt face rotten hat and sweater and of course the claws.  However he didn't scare me much back then, because at the time I never even heard of Nightmare before.  My mother explained it for me and it wasn't until I was 11 when I first watched him.  It was the Third of the series so my mother thought it would be tame since many horror slasher sequels get funnier......She was wrong.  It wasn't until I looked it up later on that I found out that while Craven was given the boot on all, but 3 movies including the third. He was the writer of the third movie and it showed. This movie scared me so bad that I actually thought Freddy was gonna get me.  The series itself was a modest Franchise. It only had 7 movies, 1 remake, a video game and a few comics featuring Freddy.  Not to mention big biggest face off known only as Freddy vs Jason, but I'll get to Jason later. It was also the movie that started Johnny Depp's career into acting......ya don't expect the awkward goofy stuff you are used to in this one.  If anything he is the only sane person in that movie and that's saying alot.  Why am I doing this now instead of Summer the Haven of Horror? Because the town this movie took place in is called Springwood.

The story revolves around a group of kids, Nancy Thomson, Tina Gray, Rod Lane and Glen Lantz.  Tina has been suffering from horrible nightmares, of a man with razors on his right hand and is convinced that he can hurt her in the real world, as proven with claw marks on her clothing.  Nancy, Glen and Rod, who Tina is Dating at the time decide to spend the night with her, so she wouldn't sleep alone. At the time, Nancy tells Tina that she had a similar dream which scares Tina even more.  During the night Tina is coaxed into going outside after someone chucks rocks at her window.  Upon going outside she ends up being stocked by the man in her dreams.  However it turns out she didn't really go outside she was dreaming and found by Rod struggling in her bed.  To his horror she is being gutted, lifted and dragged all over the room.  The police arriving on the scene initially suspect Rod as he was the only one in the room with her.  However Nancy is convinced that he is innocent after she dreams of the same man.  When she gives the description of the man to her mother and father who's a local cop.  They immediately think she is crazy, yet the way they act was like they are hiding something.  However after some goading, her mother finally relents and tells her about the man.  His name is Fred Krueger, he was a filthy child murderer who was arrested, but was off on a technicality.  So the parents tracked him down and burned him alive.  Nancy decides enough is enough when she discovers she can pull things out of dreams. She then plans for a final showdown between her and Freddy in the real world.

Now  for the fun part Can It Exist In Real Life?

Let's start with Freddy first, not only does he exist, but there are 2 of them.  The first was a schoolyard bully that has taunted Wes Craven when he was a kid. The second was a man who fit the description of Freddy exactly in appearance who frequently stalked Craven.  These two incidences caused Wes to create a monster in his image.  As for the claw, it does exist in various forms.  It's a costume piece that can be found in any costume shop or thrift store. However for those who want the real thing, the movie flat out tells you how to build it in the opening scene.

Next is the dream concept.  Much of these concepts as unreal as they seem have truth to them  First and foremost, dream and sleep related deaths.   Wes himself once stated that he got the idea from an article on LA times involving kids that were having Nightmares so horrible that it killed them.  These articles also described the lengths they went to in order to stay awake such as hiding a coffee maker in their bedroom.  The stress itself in staying awake could also be a factor in their death as the combination of stress plus the caffeine overdose   However what I am about to tell you now, would be much more unreal, but keep an open mind.

The Second part of the Dream concept is getting injured or cut in some way.  We all heard the old stories of someone dreaming that they got cut  in a dream and it showed up in the exact spot.  Many have dismissed it as them scratching them-self at one point.  However I read an entry on Yahoo Questions that say otherwise. A user known as Bryce G asked if something like this is actually possible. One of the answers stated the obvious logical explanations. However also put in the possibility that when we dream rather than just be in our own beds in our own minds, we are in a parallel universe, and if we stay there long we'd be able to feel any sensations as real as this world.  Of course this could be considered word of mouth by the answering party that refers to itself as "?"

The third and last part is a concept that was crucial to saving Nancy. The ability to pull objects and people out of dreams.  Nancy was able to use this to fight Freddy on equal ground.  I didn't really think it possible until I read a rather interesting story.  On the website Psychic Experience, a user by the name of Paulie151 stated that he was able to pull a Skeleton Key into his dream.  This particular key never existed in the house Paulie was living in and he showed it to his parents and friends as proof.  However as soon as he forgot about the key it disappeared.  He attributed it to because he manifested it, he made it disappear.  This was the reason why Freddy kept coming back, because the Freddy Nancy was fighting wasn't the real Freddy, but her manifestation of it and it didn't go after her between 1 and 3 because she dismissed it.  It was her fear of him and belief that he existed that made him appear in the first place since before her and Tina there have been no known unsolved killings. In other words the reason for Freddy's existence is because of her and Tina. They brought him back and when they told others they made him stronger.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay tuned for more and pleasant dreams.........HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!

Monday, 18 March 2013

Charlie And The Choclate Factory

Charlie and The Chocolate Factory was considered one of the best books in the UK as well as the rest of the world.  It was written in 1961 by Roald Dahl who was was also responsible for James and The Giant Peach, Matilida, and The BFG. SUCK ON THAT DOOM DAHL MADE UP BFG BEFORE YOU DID HAHA!!!! It has had 2 books, 2 movies, A musical, and even theme park rides. As well as something I will cover in this article. 

The series revolves around Charlie Bucket, a poor kid that was selected with 5 other children to take a tour of the factory.  There they meet Willy Wonka, the eccentric boss and head candy maker with a mind of a child. Each of the kids save for Charlie often has a personality trait that would end up being their downfall.  Augustus Gloop is a shameless glutton that has an endless appetite for sweets.  Violet Beauregarde is a gum obsessed competitor.  Veruca Salt is a spoiled brat who would make her dad buy the world if it were possible. And Mike Teevee is a lazy kid that does nothing but watch TV day and night.  How he managed to walk despite the atrophy he should have stuns me.  They all take a tour and show their true colors, which makes them end up in unfortunate accidents that eliminate them from the factory.

Now for the fun part, Could It Exist In Real Life?

Now many of the stuff that goes on in the chocolate factory seems fantastical, however at least some of it can be explained. First let's get rid of the one I did cover.

The small door leading to the chocolate room seems impossible, but what I said in my Doctor Who Article says otherwise.   However since this was made 2 years before Doctor Who, one wonders if DW took cues from Dahl.  They are in the same country after all.   

First off is the Chocolate Room itself,  both adaptations have shown different variations of it aside from one thing: everything is You get the picture.  Among most things there is the chocolate river and water fall.  No other factory in the world mixes their chocolate by waterfall. Now there's no way this can possible exist right?  Wrong.  For you see the problem isn't making the room it's maintaining it.  In order to make a chocolate room you need the following:

1. Chocolate and other confectioneries.
2. Industrial strength central air conditioning.
3 fully sealed well ventilated room.

If you are a great sculptor , making the bridges and other things in the easy so long as they are strong enough to support people.  If you are a great candy maker then making candy shaped trees and stuff can be a breeze.  However the trick is making sure it lasts.  You wound need to seal off the room you are using, so you could prevent bugs from coming in and turning it into a nesting ground. Most importantly you need to have air conditioning cold enough to keep the chocolate and confectioneries from melting away. You also have to ventilate it so you and your guests wouldn't freeze to death or melt the chocolate from the increase in body heat.  However don't take my word for it.  According to Extreme Chocolates, Godiva, a famous chocolatier has built a hotel suite entirely out of chocolate.  Wow, just don't let Augustus near that. The other aspect of the room is the chocolate river and waterfall.  Now as fantastic as it sounds there is no fantasy to it.  Notice how when they first show the water fall you never see beyond the cliff as it starts raining chocolate. That's because many machines used to roast the coca beans and produce the chocolate are behind said cliff. As for the waterfall itself, it's possible to have an indoor waterfall.  Many condos and fancy houses have them for decoration.  However unlike them the one used in the Wonka factory, served the purpose of mixing chocolate, which is possible.  A regular waterfall causes the water to foam and froth up upon hitting the water and rocks below.  If one were to replace water with molten chocolate and used any mixing ingredients below while it's still frothy, you could have a perfect mixture. But alas, no such river exists in or outdoors.  However I dare any amateur chocolatiers reading this, to try mixing chocolate by waterfall.

Next we have Mike Teevee's fate. I was originally gonna put this on my I already covered paragraph due to teleportation theory.   However something about it intrigued me.  When he got transported by the Wonkavision, instead of reappearing in normal size he was shrunken down.  I theorize that had the TV he had been transported into was the size of a big screen, he woulda been alright.

Last but not least is the factory itself..  Believe it or not it does exist. In 1971 to coincide with the movie and make some money off of it, Nestle started selling a line of candies.  There were ones made specific for the movie, like Laffy Taffy, Everlasting Gobstoppers and the now discontinued Wonka Bar.  Then there were brands they made themselves, such as Nerds and Sweet Tarts.  Rather than disband like most merchandising gimmicks today, they stuck around and have been around ever since.  Even updating their advertisements to coincide with the Tim Burton remake.  This, along with Omni Consumer Products, became the world's first leaders in defictionalizing products. I just wish I was around when the Wonka Bar was still in.  Damn you Cadbury and Hersheyyyyy!!!!!

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay tuned for more and don't skip out on pure imagination.


I just want to take time off to thank you guys for reading my blog.  I never thought I would get as far as 10 but 50, holy sh**.  I figure for my 51st post I might as well do an FAQ. I am gonna take questions that I assume you'd probably ask and answer them as plainly as possible.

1. What inspired you to do this?

Believe it or not it was actually a lot of things.  First was my ambition to become a filmmaker, I figured if I wanted to make movies one day I would have to see if I could make some of the most impossible things, possible in theory.  The second was my mother, we had a bit of a debate years ago about the nature of the fictional world. She believed it wasn't possible save for a few things and I was actually determined to prove otherwise.  The third is something you guys are not gonna believe.  I have a very strong empathy for fictional characters, it's bizarre but I react the same way to them as if they are standing next to me. If someone was good and gets hurt, I feel just as hurt for them. The best way would be Jaden Yuki in the Yu-gi-oh GX Series.  He had the uncanny ability to see "Spirits" of his cards and would react badly to them getting hurt than he would on just losing the game.  Though there have been hints that the cards were based off real monsters with in the show, but as far as everyone in the Yu-gi-oh universe was concerned that was only a myth.  But in a way I share that same empathy of sorts. Last but not least I wanted to be an internet reviewer like the guys at channel awesome. However like others before me I wanted to do something unique, something that would make me stand out.  So I did what most reviewers didn't, I try to find ways to make the mediums they review fit in a real life setting.

2. Who were your influences?

Well I was heavily influenced by Channel Awesome.  Nostalgia Critic and Linkara especially. However other influences included James Rolfe aka Angry Video Game Nerd,  Mathew Patrick aka Game Theory since his show is similar to what I am doing only he is more focused on defictionalizing video games, whilst I decide to tackle all mediums.

3. What is defictionalization?

Defictionalization is, where you take a concept from a fictional medium and you try to see if it exists in real life.  The word was coined from TV Tropes, but the concept has been around since the 1970s when the movie Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory hit theatres.  Though I'll explain why when I get to it.  However I'll give you a hint, it involves product placement.

4.  What is your favorite fictional medium?

Well that's a tough one because I like em all, but if I had to pick a personal favorite, it would be Movies, Games and Anime. Mainly because I grew up watching those mostly.

5. How does Folklore fit into the real world category?

Well I always believed that Folklore, Myths, and other Urban Legends have some grain of truth in them. I mean it's not like you can pull thousands of years of stories out of thin air, you need to witness some aspect of it.  The way I see it the formula for Folklore goes like so:  It starts out as a guy witnessing something incredible, he tells his friends, who tells their friends and so on. However in the process the story gets jumbled up and it then becomes a rumor.  This in turn becomes a story.  Because it's such a good story, it gets passed down from generation to generation until one day someone, a child perhaps asks "Is this for real?" Which sparks an argument between the people who heard the story.  This turns the story into a Myth because the term Myth literally means "It could be true."  Because that Myth becomes synonymous with the country or town it takes place in, it becomes Folklore.  Now look at fictional mediums today, we know most of them, like Superheroes and Monsters like Freddy and Jason, are not real.  However in 1000 years I would predict that they too will go through the Folklore formula, people would talk about these beings as if they existed at one point.  Criminals would scare each others with stories of the Batman.  Anti-Drug and Abstinence groups would scare developing teens with Jason Voorhees stories.  The possibilities are endless.

6. If you are neutral in the matters of faith why do you express your beliefs?
There is a fine line between being neutral and expression.  My beliefs while I consider facts only to myself, I treat like an opinion.  I can express my opinion so long as I don't try to shove it down your throats. In other words I only express my beliefs because of my freedom to do so rather than contradicting others in terms of fact. However when it comes to other faiths I do not say anything about them unless I did my research on them first. That being said I remain neutral.

7.  You seem to like mentioning Channel Awesome a lot why?
Well aside from being an influence in my life, it's actually helped me through rough patches. Their style of comedy and entertainment  has helped me get through those patches and I thank them for it. In return a direct insult to them is an insult to me too. There's a fine line between debating with them on matters and just simply calling them assholes only because you don't like their show.  If you don't like it don't watch.

8.  Why do you do web comics and jokes between articles?
Well I wanted to do a storyline between them much like Linkara does, but at the time I didn't want to do videos.  As for the jokes I was born on April Fools, if I wasn't a funny person I'd shame fellow April Fools.

9. Will you do Articles on fictional mediums you don't like?
Eventually.  Just because I don't like them doesn't mean there aren't some truth to them.  However I will not, ever under any circumstances do Twilight.  Hell I would take my chances with My Little Pony and I am not even a Brony. Hey that rhymed. However the main reason I am starting with the mediums I like is because I know them better than the ones I don't like.

10. Why won't you defictionalize Twilight?
 Ok I'll say it.  Twilight is the worst thing to happen to fiction.  First it takes Vampires, a concept that I have enjoyed from Dracula to Van Helsing and smashes it to bits.  Turning them from badass creatures of the night to sparkling, whiny wussies whose only concept true to the lore is drinking blood.  Second, take all the Vampire stuff out of the equation and you got the worst romance story in the world. It clearly let's women know that it's ok to have a boyfriend that controls every aspect of their lives and that they are nothing without him. While at the same time the one that does truly love her will never have her, because she has a warped view at what a true man is.  Take the entire supernatural aspect out of it, and its a Steve Wilkos special with a downer ending. I could totally see Steve tear Edward a new one. Third, unlike other vampire fictions where the vampire thing is only a minor inconvenience unless brought up then in that case they deal with it. This however brings it up every single damn time like Meyer was under the impression her readers are idiots. She may as well be in the movie with a picket sign saying "Oh did I mention he's a Vampire?"   Last but not least, they took the concept of the word Twilight and made it all about that series.  Everywhere I go whenever I mention the word they instantly think that series.  When I think Twilight I think the go between light and darkness, I think of one of the greatest Zelda games in the world. I even think of one of the greatest anthology series that ever graced television.  I do not think of this crap. However there is one thing I did like that Meyer didn't even bother with. Charlie Swann, Bella's dad.  Whenever there is a mysterious attack he calls the Cullens up first, when Bella mentions Edward he says something along the lines of "Isn't he a little old for you?" And the first thing he grabs nonchalantly is his shotgun when he answers the door.  It was almost like he knew the Cullens were vampires. Did Meyer develop this any further? No.  And let's talk about Meyer shall we?  Stephen King said when it comes to writing, write what you know.  If all Stephenie Meyer knows is that in order to succeed in life as girl is to have a boyfriend, that controls every aspect of your life, then what does that say about her own life?  Now I am only just guessing, but I believe that she got out of a bad relationship and rather than admit the guy in it was in the wrong she decides to immortalize him in story.  I am with Freud on this. If that is what she knew then she has some series F***ING problems. Get help. You can afford it now.

11. What do you hope to gain from defictionalization?
I hope to gain more open minds on the subject and I hope one day to inspire others to actually prove what I put up.

12.  If that's the case why put disclaimers?

I only advise not for them to try stuff like this at home because I know that not all my readers have any expertise on the stuff and could either get hurt and arrested. That being said I don't want to be blamed for it.  There's inspiration and there is being stupid. Don't be the latter.  If a person is truly qualified to do such an action then by all means do it.

13.  Who do you try to appeal to?
This blog is not only meant to appeal to movie geeks like me, but also scientists, historians and other experts on the matters that these mediums use.  I really hope that one of these experts would talk about this or at least try to contradict me.

14. How did you get the Wii Zapper and Identity Disc to work in your comics?
Obviously it's not real, however my weapons are Defiction incarnate, they represent every aspect of defictionlization I write on this blog. As for how, you figure it out.

15.  What do you personally hope to defiction?
That Zapper,  I myself am trying to figure out how to work that.  If I can't defictionalize my own work then there isn't point of dificitionalizing others. Then again to defiction my own I have to defiction others.

16.  What are your beliefs?
Well as mentioned in my articles I am an Agnostic Pagan,  however my beliefs stretch farther than just that.  My main belief is the concept of the Mutliverse and it's branch fictional realism.   For those who don't know the multiverse concept was a theory that there is more than one universe.  My belief in it stems from the fact that every fictional medium, from The Dark Tower series in books, to Atop The Fourth Wall's Warrior review, have covered the multiverse in various forms. As for fictional realism its a branch concept that is simple "If there is more than one universe, then there should be a universe, where fictional characters exist in the flesh."  However as mentioned before I am neutral.

17. What was your favorite article so far?
The Zelda Series,  I grew up with it and can't wait for the next one so I can defiction that too.

18. Are you out of your mind?
I can assure you I am quite sane.  Just extremely passionate on making the unreal, real.

19.What do you plan to do once this takes its course?
Unlike MissingNo I have no One goal in mind.  I got dozens of ideas I want to express. However as for what? Stay tuned and find out.

20.  What are your sources for images and research?
Aside from what is mentioned in the article, I get most of my research and images from various wikis. Except the comics and the bumper sticker I did that myself....ya I am a pretty crappy artist and i'm F***ING PROUD OF IT!!!! HA!!

21.  What do you have planned for your next article?
Stay tuned and find out.

Now if there are any actual questions you want to ask post them in the comments below.   

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Star Trek

What started out as a low budget TV show, blossomed into a franchise in America that is so big that it nearly rivals Doctor Who.  Star Trek had 5 shows, 1 cartoon, 11 films and 1 upcoming movie. As well as a dozen games and comics. However what makes Star Trek really grand is it's impact on the world from politics to science and technology. It may very well be one of the very first defictionalizations in the world.  To be honest I didn't want to analyze it.  Don't get me wrong I love Star Trek and I am well aware of tons of info on defictionalizing it. However, what can I say that generation upon generation of Trekkies and Non-Trekkies alike didn't beat me to? Since it's my 50th post I figured, what the hell.

In case those who read my blog are wondering. My favorite series is the first one.  My favorite Captain is Kirk based on the fact that despite the being born in Iowa BS, he is played by a Canadian. Sure Pike was American, but the majority of Old Series Star Trek Fans focus more on Kirk, so in all essence the first Star Trek Captain is Canadian and that hits me right at home. My personal favorite episode is "The Naked Time" based soley on the scene where Spock cried.  Anyway on with the story.

The basic premise is the United Federation of Planets sends out ships to explore strange new worlds.  To seek out new life forms and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before. In this case the show follows the adventures of the United States Starship Enterprise NCC1701 and her crew.  Captain James Tiberius Kirk, who doesn't believe in no win scenarios.  First Officer Spock, who is half Vulcan and Half Human, he doubles as a Science Officer.  Lieutenant Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy, a stubborn man who goes all out to protect his crew and patients.  Together the trio form a hive mind of sorts with Spock focusing on the logical approach, McCoy focusing on the emotional common sense, and Kirk mixing both in as being the head authority of his ship it requires both using logic and gut instinct.  The rest of the crew as follows: Montgomery "Scottie" Scott, the engineer who treats the enterprise like it was his own girlfriend. Hikaru Sulu The Helmsman who Pilots the ship.  Nyota Uhura, the communications expert of the ship. Lastly Pavel Chekov, an ensign promoted to ships navigator. There was contraversy around most of them but I'll get to that later.  Many of there adventures often involve them getting into some kind of danger that they have to work together to get out.

This question may seem redundant since it's Star Trek, but Could It Exist In Real Life?

For this one I have to split it into various topics. In this case the topics are, Politics, Science/Technology and Alien Race.

First is politics.  Now as said before there was some controversy surrounding many of the characters in Star Trek. The most famous being Uhura and Chekov.  With Uhura it wasn't as bad but still pretty major.  This was because, while Star Trek took place in the future, it was made in 1966 just two years before the end of the African American Civil Rights Movement. At the time the idea of a black person being on equal terms with a white person in terms of getting jobs was considered bad by those opposed of the Civil Rights movements. This applied to not only regular jobs, but also portrayals of African Americans in anything other than stereotypical things such as slaves and servants.  As if that wasn't controversial enough this series had the balls to put one of the world's first interracial kisses on TV when Kirk and Uhura made out in the episode "Plato's Stepchildren."  However this controversy was not without it's positives.  It inspired Whoopi Goldberg into acting and what she asked for in return after becoming a big star was to be on an episode of Next Generation.  She was even willing to take a cut in pay. Thus Guinan was born.  However as big of a controversial mess it was, Pavel Chekov's was much bigger.  See Chekov was a Russian ensign working on a mostly American controlled ship, on a show that took place in the early decades of the Cold War.  That's right folks, Star Trek pretty much help predict Civil Rights and The End of The Cold War. Rocky IV eat your heart out.  Just wow.  Rodenberry must be psychic or something.   But the big picture of it all was the United Federation's formation.  This Federation is pretty much the entire world finally getting along with one and other and not just Earth.  They manage to get along with other planets as well.  Makes us hope for the future doesn't it?

Second is Science and Technology.  Now before I say my piece on the matter let's get the obvious out of the way. The Following are subjects I have already covered as well as subjects other Trekkies have covered. That I know of:

Transporter: Explained in Power Rangers and Tron.
Phaser: Explained in Power Rangers on why I won't talk about it.
Communicator: Cell Phone
Borg: See Robocop on Prosthetics.
Data: Covered in Tron and Atop The Fourth Wall

Ok now that it's out of the way let me tell you my takes on one of the most debated topics in Star Trek history: the concept of Warp Speed. Many Trekkies have had theories over how either possible or impossible they are.  Most of which involve whether or not ships can travel faster than the speed of light.  Here's my take on this and I am not sure if many missed it but look.

One thing I noticed on the ship this orange thing just directly under the disc shaped hull. I at first thought it was merely a decoration for the model until I looked at the back. The Nacelles of the ship are the exact shape and color of the orange thing in front.  So I came up with a theory that the Enterprise has a third larger Nacelle.  To get to warp all three would be running at the same time and then the third would be cut off giving it a slingshot effect that would cause the ship to faster than intended speed.

Last but not least is alien race and their abilities.  I am gonna focus on the recurring races as there are billions in the entire franchise.

The first is Vulcans.  A race of humanoid aliens that suppress their emotions and rely on logic as a religious way of life.  They can exist.  See the Vulcans biologically are like us in every way imaginable aside from a few shifts in organs.  However the major difference between us and them is blood.  We bleed red, and they bleed green.  The reason being is because the major mineral that dominates their blood is copper, while ours is iron.  As for their way of life that too exists.  Most specifically the Kolinahr.  A ritual in which a Vulcan, full or half must purge themselves of all emotion.  This also exists in many forms, mostly meditations designed to suppress any emotion. As proven comically in The Big Bang Theory.  The other two aspects of Vulcan life is their natural telepathic abilities (Read my Stephen King Article for that explaination.) and the ever debated Vulcan Nerve Pinch. Many people have attributed it to their telepathic abilities or to their strength and/or knowing the right pressure points. However I have a different theory.  It's not quite similar but there is a known Mixed Marital Arts move known as the blood choke. This move temporarily cuts oxygen off the brain through both the airway and blood passages which renders the victim unconscious. Do not try that at home or anywhere,

Much of the Romulan race is the same as Vulcans, however they use their emotions. So no need to go down that road.

Last but not least is Klingons are a proud Warrior Race that once was the main enemies of the Federation, but now are part of it.  They not only can exist but have in one way or another.  The Klingon Race and their way of life was based off of Genghis Kahn (KAHHHHHN!!!!)  who nearly conquered half of the Earth in his lifetime.  The other way was through two guys, Marc Okrand and James Doohan who you know as Scotty.  This language was first used in the first Star Trek Movie.  Okrand took it a step further and took every English word in the book and converted it into Klingon.  This caused such a large impact that it has now become an official language.  As for me though I don't speak Klingon. I am still trying to learn Hylian though.  Last but not least are their methods of fighting.  Specifically their main combat weapon: The Bat'leth.  A sword like weapon used in many battles. Not only does this weapon exist in real life, but its one of the first defictionalized weapons to be registered as a deadly weapon after a group of men robbed a store with one.  Only avid Star Trek fans and weapons collectors are allowed to keep a weapon such as that.

As usual debate argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay tuned for more. Live Long and Prosper.

Star Wars

A long long time ago in an independent film studio far far away, a man named George Lucas, fresh off the success of American Graffiti came up with an idea. The idea was to make an adaptation to Flash Gordon for the big screen.  They said no, so he came up with a better idea snowballed from his earlier idea.  To make a film that incorporates Action, Sci-fi, Fantasy, Martial Arts and Westerns.  It became one of the worlds first multi-genre feature films: Star Wars.  This independent movie had 5 more in the series, a lot of TV shows, Video Games, Comics, Novels and an upcoming sequel trilogy.  As successful as it was, it wasn't without it's flaws.  For starters fans of the show are divided to which is the better ones, the Prequels or the Original, whether or not the the expanded universe of game/comics/novels is Canon to the movies.  Worse of all, whether or not the Force is a scientific or a magical concept. 

The series revolves around Luke Skywalker, a moisture farmer who wants something better out of life. He meets two travelers, C-3PO and R2-D2 two Rebel Droids (short for androids) That are on the run from the Empire, who seeks them because they have the schematics of their most powerful weapon: The Death Star.  A battle station that can destroy planets. Along the way they meet Obi-Wan Kenobi, a hermit that was a former Jedi Knight and Soldier of the Clone Wars.  He is sought out because the rebellion needs him to deliver the plans in order to find a weakness and destroy the Death Star.  However because he is too old and not much of the legendary warrior he used to be.  He asks Luke for help, but Luke is reluctant for fear of worrying his Aunt and Uncle.  However upon finding said Aunt and Uncle slaughtered by The Empire, he goes with them and along the way is being trained about the ways of the Jedi Knights.  They hire Han Solo, a local smuggler to pilot them on their mission and the adventure is on.

Now for the fun part.  Could It Exist In Real Life?

Now the first thing to obviously start with The Force.  The Force is a source of power for all Jedi Knights it can be used for various ways such as moving objects with their mind and controlling the thoughts of the weak minded.  This can exist.   I already explained the concepts of Chi in my DBZ article so no need to go down that road.  However, there is still one elephant in the room I must address.  Midichlorians, I hate this topic not just because they took a concept that was considered magical and made it too science-y.  It was executed poorly.  For those who don't know what I am talking about, midichlorians are microscopic bacteria that share a symbiotic relationship with all living things. In layman's terms, the more of these specific germs you have, the stronger your ability with the force is. Now as stupid as this concept is, there is some truth to it.  I once believed that every living thing on the planet had some kind of psychic connection with each other. This was proven when some animals of their own species run in groups, wolves running in packs for example. As well as animals reaction to other superior or inferior animals.  We all seen that youtube video where the dogs are playing with polar bears. If that is not an example of a connection I don't know what is.  Anyway my point is that if there is some kind of connection like that, wouldn't it exist between bacteria and humans?  As a matter of fact it does.  We all know it as Probiotic or cultures.  A microscopic bacteria that is used for nothing more than to benefit the human body.   Unfortunately it doesn't give you the ability to choke your enemies with your mind.  Sorry Vader fans.  However it did help me to understand a quote Yoda said:

"For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.”

What Yoda meant was it wasn't just your own power, but the power around all living things, from you, your friends, family, pets, even the microscopic life surrounding the moss covering the rocks you try to lift.  Then there is the Dark Side.  Ever notice that many of the Jedi Villains often get disfigured whenever they abuse their powers?  Palpatine, for example got burned by his own lightning.  I believe the condition isn't just from getting hit with it, or karma.  It's also physical.  The Force is like all sorts of energy real or fictional and if used too much could damage whoever is using it.  The force lightning for example started making Palpatine more frail and weak to the point where he couldn't duel with a lightsaber anymore. 

Next we have the Jedi Knights.  These people are often considered the closest thing to a police force. The motto says it all "Keepers of  Peace and Justice throughout the galaxy."  Could they exist?  Well not only do they exist, but they are a mix of dozens of different concepts.  As said before they are a police force, however since it's an entire galaxy they are tasked to look after, they are more than just local.  Infact the real life equivalent is ICPO, a world wide organization of police officers that are tasked to solving crimes should the criminal be spreeing all over the world rather than a local city. The second concept is in the name, "Jedi Knights."  And it shows since the council sits in a circle to discuss their business and treat each member as an equal.  Just like the legendary Knights of the Round Table.  Last but not least their religious belief in the force.  There are various groups real and fiction based on this belief that have often attributed in Justice in the name of whatever deity they worshiped.  However more prominently there are others that simply worship the spiritual energy alone.  The most famous is the Shaolin Monastery, they are not only dedicated to peace and justice, but also believe in the concept of Chi and have created a martial art surrounding said concept: Shaolin Gung Fu.  Or as you all know it as Kung Fu. Lucas himself admitted that they were the main inspiration for Jedi Knights and the Force.

Now the last concept is one that most people want to know: The Lightsaber. This can exist, however don't take my word for it.  Dr. Michio Kaku, is a scientist who is dedicated to making fictional scientific theories and statements true. His most famous concept was a real working lightsaber.  Look him up and you'll be surprised. 

As usual, debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay tuned for more.  May the Force Be With You.

Friday, 15 March 2013

Eureka Seven: Psalms of Planets

Eureka Seven is by far one of my most favorite of anime series. I have watched all the episodes of that series alone and have yet to see the other series of it.  This franchise has 2 spin off games, 2 series, and a feature length animated movie.

The story begins with Renton Thurston who has a series of problems. His father, Adrock died saving the world and his sister is missing in action. He is pressured by his grandfather, Axel into being a mechanic and his semi celebrity status earns him tease from bullies. To make matters worse the military is putting a tighter squeeze on laws that surround a popular form of transportation called "Lifting" In which a surfboard like device is used to fly into the air and do aerial stunts to which Renton considers his favourite sport. Just when things couldn't get any worse an LFO (A humanoid vehicle that can lift and transform into a car.)  crashes into his bedroom. Inside is a strange, but beautiful girl named Eureka who came to his home in search of the Amita Drive.  Why? Because her LFO is the Nirvash Type Zero a legendary powerful vehicle and the Amita Drive unlocks new abilities for it. Renton is immediately smitten with her.  However she is not alone, for the Military is after her and her crew of Gekkostate. A ragtag group of Rebels that Adrock and Axel associated with in the past.  Using the Amita Drive and a combination of Renton and Eureka's hidden feelings for each other, they activate the Nirvash's Ultimate Technique Seven Swell Effect which gives them a massive boost of energy. which they use for various things.  The most popular being to disarm every enemy LFO.  After the brush with the Military, Renton decides to leave with Gekkostate for further adventures while trying to get to know Eureka and her mysterious past.

Now for the fun part, Could It Exist In Real Life.

Let's start with the technology.  First is the Ref Boards.  Now I know what you're thinking "They are just like Hoverboards." However you are wrong. While they do hover, however unlike the Hoverboard, this board can also fly and requires a form of propulsion to keep it in the air as well as moving it in various directions very similar to the Jet Boots.  What am I talking about?  5 Years ago Birdman Inc developed boots that used Jet Propulsion.  These boots were designed to keep a person who was skydiving in the air and flying.  Now if one were to do rig it on a surfboard like device you have your ref board right there. However as said before, do not attempt to do such a thing unless you are a licensed skydiver as well as a licensed engineer.

The next is an LFO as explained before its a vehicle that has both a car, and a humanoid robot form.  This can exist.  Before I found out about this I was originally gonna do a Transformers Analysis.  I found a Youtube Channel of a man known as Kenji Ishida.  He as well as his company Brave Robotics developed a scale model of a car that could transform into a humanoid robot.  What stopped me from turning this into a Transformers analysis despite the obvious nickname was that this car was radio controlled.  It had no AI, and was controlled by a human no different than one driving the LFO. Just give it a Ref Board and you got it.

Now let's talk about something else: Coralians.  These are a race of symbiotic beings that exist in all forms.  There's the Scub Coral a sentient living mass that covers the entire planet and is the source of Trapar Waves a wave of in which the lifters use for both stability and propulsion.  The second is the Anti-body Coralians which search and destroy anything that threatens them. Last but not least is the humanoid Coralians, representations of the mass created to observe and study the human race.  These can exist in real life.  The Coralian race on the show has been portrayed as many types of living things. For example the Antibodies are simply good bacteria designed to strengthen the immune system.  The Humanoids were mostly modeled after bugs, giving them various stages of life which in turn change their appearance. As proven when Erueka's final form was that of a butterfly winged humanoid.  However the most dominant of species portrayal has been Fungus.  This stems back to when the Scub Coral makes its first appearance, growing out of the ground in a mass of flesh.  While the people destroyed it using flame throwers it only destroyed a part of the massive structure and eventually that piece burned had grown back.  When fungus is separated or cut away it doesn't die from it. It just grows into two separate life forms as proven with Eureka being seperate from Scub coral, but not dying. 

In my last article I did a joke about the various internet memes that have been well known throughout history.  While mostly for jokes, it was because I wanted to come up with my own meme, something that no one else had done and my revelation that the Coralians are sentient fungus just gave me an idea of one.  I call it:


As usual, debate argue and let me know what I missed. Stay tuned for more.

Thursday, 14 March 2013

An Ode To Memes

Just for kicks I am gonna give meme-ing a try. However for some reason I can't think of one.  Frankly, I don't give a damn, because there are so many to choose from.  If I have to jump every shark, nuke every fridge and fry every coke, then by god I'll do it. You can't handle the truth of it all because this is madness. This is Sparta nah forget it it's Chinatown. Besides I can't just take all the potato chips in the world AND EAT IT!!!  If I had to it would require counting and lord knows that would be over 9000.  Where's the Goddamn Batman when you need him? Maybe he can tell Zod to Kneel before Me or I'll kill him to death!!! Because I am a man who will leave the gun and take the Canolis.  Who is gonna stop me when I lay my vengeance upon thee?  This is my boomstick, there are many like it but this one is mine, because when you put your hand through a bunch of goo that moments ago was Jello, there's always room for Jello.  While you were learning how to spell your name, I was trained to find a stranger in the alps, because shampoo is better. It's all there black and white, clear as crystal, you can't stop eating my sesame cake!!! Now all I got are these lemons, I don't want your damn lemons what am I supposed to do with these!? Choke on 'em!! The power of Christ compels you to phone home and call Bueller.  Bueller? Bueller?  Dispatch war rocket Ajax to bring back his body.  I don't care how, but by Grabthar's hammer, never give up, never surrender.  The price is wrong bitch, it's out of order, you're out of order, this whole system is out of order and IT WAS BUILT IN A CAVE WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!!!  There is no spoon, the cake is a lie, there's no more room in hell and the rum's gone. Why's the rum gone? You maniacs you blew it up, damn you!!! You are tearing me apart with all work and no play!!! Fire everything it's a TRAP!!! Game over man game over, the only winning move is not to play. WROOOOOONG!!! I drink your milkshake and it's weird and pissed off.  I fight for the users and hell's coming with me can you dig it!?  You talking to ME!? JUST LIKE THIIIIIISSS!!!!  I am the master of all this mechanical stuff and I love the power glove, it's so bad. It floats to, they all float!!  I can't stop here, this is bat country and they're all gonna laugh at you!!! You need more cowbell, but I'm a blogger not a doctor.  You're in my spot sir and I have reversed the polarity of the neutron flow, but one of these, days one of these days POW right in the kisser. Reisitence is futile for all your base are belong to us.  Hey!! Listen,  you're princess is in another castle and the urge to kill is rising.  That's all I have to say about that, if you'll excuse me I'm going to bed I think I caught the Weegee virus.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Super Mario Bros.

In 1982 thanks to a certain movie based video game, many people lost interest in video games in general.  This lead to the Video Game Crash. 1 year later, out of the ashes of burnt out cartridges and consoles rose a Brooklyn Born Plumber and his brother who saved the video game business and put Shigeru Miyamoto on the map. 2 years later they returned for their first major adventure out of the pipes,  This was the Super Mario Brothers.  A franchise much like Shigeru's other works has existed in almost every single medium.  Games, Cards, Cartoon Shows, Educational Toys even a crappy movie that was so bad it's good.

It starts with two plumbers, Mario Mario who quit his carpenter job and Luigi Mario, who was insecure about himself and despite being taller than his brother, always felt he lived in Mario's shadow.  They travel throughout 8 worlds of the Mushroom Kingdom to rescue Princess Peach Toadstool, a kind and generous ruler and her 7 toad bodyguards from the clutches of King Bowser Koopa.  A ruthless leader of the rival kingdom of Koopaland who was destined to fight Mario since childhood.

Now for the fun part, Could It Exist In Real Life?

First let's start with the basic power ups.  Throughout the game you would find numerous powerups throughout the entire franchise. However I am only gonna tell you about the basic 3.

The first is the mushrooms.  There are 2 mushrooms (3 if you count lost levels.) Throughout the kingdom.  One gives Mario the ability to grow taller, stronger and faster. The Second is the 1-Up mushroom which can bring you back from near death.  Not only does these mushrooms exist, they are one and the same.  A Shitake Mushroom has plenty of iron which along with its high protein, helps build muscle which in turn aids in body growth. It also helps strengthens your immune system, which will protect your body from diseases such as HIV and Cancer.   However it doesn't do it instantly like in the game so there is only a matter of time.  The third mushroom in Lost Levels is the poison mushroom which actually does exist.

The second power up is the fire flower,  a flower which is used to causes the user to shoot fire out of their hands.  This can exist in real life in the form of Lycopodium. A plant who's spores are highly flammable when dispersed in the air and an open flame.  Many pyrotechnics have used this plant as part of their pyro effects including making fire balls.  I advise you however not to try it at home for it is highly dangerous and you will burn yourself.

Last but not least is Star Power.  A star that causes Mario to suddenly become invulnerable for a short amount of time.  Unfortunately this also exists in the form of the drug PCP. A highly dangerous narcotic that among things could render a person painless.  However prolonged usage of said narcotic has been known to cause people to go on psychotic rampages. One of the nicknames for this drug was often called Angel or Stardust. Much like the Star the effects are only temporary. However, I advise no one under any circumstances to try this drug, it is Illegal and it will harm you or even kill you.

Now for my final one, could the Mario Brothers exist in real life?  Yes they can.  Much like Link and other Nintendo characters they are the embodiments of us.  The everyman who try to do the best they can and when trouble brews they are the first to act on it.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay tuned for more.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

The Writer's Paradox

This is a little idea I thought up with in an attempt to screw with the minds of my viewers as well as to see if any self typing robots explode.

I have writer's block and I am writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block,  who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block, who is writing a story about a man with writer's block.

Have fun trying to figure that out.

If you look closely enough you can get sort of a magic eye effect. I see waves, but it could look like something else to others.

Monday, 11 March 2013

The Terminator

The Terminator was the movie that put James Cameron on the map. For some it seemed like a bad thing after watching Avatar (me included).  However it hasn't tainted his films none the less.  Before this he was either making B movies or helping John Carpenter with the Iconic effects used in Escape From New York.  This series had its fair share of sequels, comics, games and even trading cards.  All but the last two sequels were praised.  There are various reasons why and I'll tell you my own personal reason I think it tanked, before I get the basic plot out of the way.  For starters I got started on Terminator like other kids in the 90s, by watching the second one, Judgement Day.  I liked it, it had great action and the T-1000 effects were the best CGI on par with Tron, but better.  However upon watching the first I noticed some differences that have haunted me.  See folks, Terminator as cool as it was, it was not meant to be an action movie.  It was meant to be a horror and it shows in the first.  A killer that can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with, doesn't show any emotions and will not stop ever, until you are dead.  However you guys are gonna lynch me for this but I like the sequels too even if some don't.  But that's not the reason why, the reason for the downfall was the second movie.  Don't get me wrong its a great movie and had its share of both action and horror, however because the action overshadowed what was supposed to be a horrifying aspect of the movies the directors and writers that took over Rise of the Machines and Salvation decided to make it all action. Big damn mistake.

The story goes like so, in the year 2029 there is a war between man and machine.  However one particular man was responsible for turning the tides.  His name was John Connor, so the Machines lead by the most advanced computer defense system, Skynet send their best weapon back through time to erase him from existence.  The Terminator, an infiltration unit, part man and part machine.  However Connor caught on to the plan and sent his best soldier, Kyle Reese to stop him from murdering his future mother, Sara Connor.  The race is on on who would get to her first.

Now Could It Exist In Real Life?

I am not gonna go over the Terminators or AI because I done them to death with my previous entries.  However I am gonna go through something that will haunt you for the rest of your lives if you read this: Skynet.

Imagine a computer that was meant to run all from strategic military, to nuclear defense systems.  However as it became smarter, it also became self aware.  It then sees all of us as a threat rather than the enemies we fight in said wars.  So what does it do it Nukes us All and begins a take over the earth.  Naturally you would think that this went horribly wrong.  However nothing can be further from the truth.  Lucky for us Skynet does not exist.....yet.   However logically it was doing it's job.  It's job was to seek out and destroy all threats to the earth.  Naturally as it learned while going along it looked up all the horrible things we as a race done over the past millenniums, from wars, to witch trials, to creating newer and better ways to kill each other.  It realized that even if it stopped the people it was supposed to, it wouldn't be finished for the people that created it was just as bad. Why else would it be called Judgement Day of all things, because the war was the survivors were atoning for making such a terrible mistake.  I suppose you can say the only wrong it did on it's part was judge us as a whole rather than individuals.  I believe Kay from Men in Black said it best "A person is smart, people are dumb panicky and dangerous animals."  And Skynet doesn't judge a person it judges people and because it underestimated Connor it eventually fell with the people it killed.  However did the humans really win?  I ask because watching the movie, one scene came to mind.  It was a flashback of Kyle returning to a home base for rest.  As he looked for a place to sleep among the people he walked past were: one person eating what little food rations there were, two kids killing a rat for food, and two more kids watching a hollowed out television which had a fire built inside.  The difference between this movie and other fictional war movies is, we know they won, but what will they do after? Their entire country is a nuclear wasteland, much of the crops are ruined and any living livestock would be tainted with radiation poisoning, nothing as trivial as simple entertainment like TV and video games are around to keep them occupied and at the time they have to be on guard since even if the core of Skynet is destroyed, any machines remaining would still try to kill them.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed. Stay tuned for more.

Update: It seems I have been wrong.  Apparently NATO has a series of satellites used for strategic communications.  They even called them Skynet.  God help us all.

My Response to Atop The Fourth Wall: JLA/Titans Technis Imperitive

I couldn't drive you guys any more crazier than I have at how much I love Channel Awesome and their affiliates including Atop The Fourth Wall. But I also do this as a fellow fan of the Titans.  After watching this Particular review I decided to do a little Defictionalization on my own. Linkara and any fellow fans of Teen Titans be it the show or the comic, this one's for you.

If you guys have a printer and special sticker paper to print it on I encourage you to print this out. Even if you don't have a car.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Back To the Future

Back to the Future was one of Robert Zemeckis and Stephen Spielberg's Crown Jewels the other's Being Who Framed Roger Rabbit for it's Cartoon and Live action combo and Forrest Gump for being able to super impose people into historical videos. This series was North America's answer to Doctor Who.  Is it no surprise that one of the main characters is named Doc? It has had 3 movies, a cartoon series and various video games.  The most Recent being the first of many nicknamed "sequel video games."  In which you are literally with the characters during the whole ordeal.

Our story begins in 1985,  local slacker and aspiring musician Martin "Marty" McFly was just rejected by an audition.  Though personally I think it was because Huey Lewis didn't like him over metalizing his song Power Of Love (Seriously folks he's the Judge that told him "You're just too darn loud.")  He spends his leisure hanging out with his girlfriend.  Watching his father George put up with his jerk of a boss Biff Tannen and participating in dangerous experiments with his friend Doctor Emmet "Doc" Brown.  A local scientist and resident crazy of Hill Valley California.  During the recent one Marty discovers that Doc had converted a DeLorean DMC-12 car into a nuclear powered Time Machine.  However after the initial test Doc was gunned down by Libyan terrorists for stealing the Plutonium needed for it.  When Marty uses the DeLorean to escape he is accidentally sent back in time to the year 1955.  During which he accidentally screws up a meeting between George and his future mother Loraine Banes. He finds Doc alive and well and they make plans to hook the parents up and send Marty Back to the Future.

Now I know what you're thinking.  "You're just as crazy as Doc, there is no way that all this is possible." Well only one way to find out.  Could It Exist In Real Life? 

First and foremost is the Time Machine itself.  As a Car, the DeLorean exists in real life, and there have been those that converted it to make it look like the titular machine. However for using it as a time machine its not impossible, just very complicated.  For those reading though be it now or 30 years from now, do not attempt to create one for you could be causing a paradox that could rip the entire space time continuum.  Or the resulting failure to do so could kill you.

Let's look at the components.  You have the DeLorean itself, which is really just an ordinary car that has been souped up for speed as well as the proper equipment.  While Doc was wrong about the amount of power (1.21 GIGAWATTS !!!!!!!) A machine like this would require a lot of power.  In the first film they used some kind of reactor capacitor generator capable of storing the electricity hence why striking it with a bolt of lightning was able to power it without blowing up the car. Said reactor took Plutonium Pellets so odds are its a miniaturized reactor which is quite possible, but I advise you not to try that at home either.  Sheldon Cooper learned the hard way in that case and he was only a kid at the time. This particular reactor was replaced by Mr. Fusion, a fusion style reactor that uses ordinary household garbage to power it.  This actually works and is safe to try at home.....well if done right that is.  As you recall in my Tron analysis, I told you about biofuels.  Fuels produced by the foods you eat.  This particular reactor extracts the bio fuels which charges the electric generator powering the Machine. However they took it a stretch further by stating inorganic objects can power it too which is half true.  I am not sure what you can extract out of a tin can as demonstrated in 2, but plastic from the honey bottle Doc used was made of petroleum a key ingredient to gasoline. As for how I can guess that Mr. Fusion burns down the fuel sources to its basic components needed which in turn charges the Machine.

Another component and this one is the most prominent one of all is the flux capacitor.  This in the series is what makes time travel possible.  How a flux capacitor works in the series is unknown. However I can guess that judging by the effects. The Flux Capacitor causes a type of energy source around the car that causes the speed to increase dramatically while at the same time creating a force field around it to protect the car and it's driver.  As explained in my Doctor Who article its a type of phase effect. As for how it goes back and forth through time, that part I can't say because honestly I don't know. But the best source has often been Hawking's Brief History of Time.

Last but not least in the Time Machine is it's effects during time travel.  Whenever the car goes back and forth through time ice builds up over it.  That is because the car is actually moving so fast that it's rapidly cooling evaporating water surrounding it causing the ice to cover it.  Much like how ice builds up over a plane when its in a thinner atmosphere.  If someone was outside and on top of the DeLorean during the entire ordeal they would have been frozen to death.

Now that the time machine is out of the way. Let's focus on another concept of the series. Hover Conversion and hoverboards.  They can exist. I was looking for a way to find out how when I stumbled upon something by accident.  A youtuber by the handle, DestinationCreation made a scale model of the classic pink hoverboard.  What this user did was fit the board with magnets then created a repelling field by making an electromagnet out of a hanger, magnets and a battery.  This intern created an Ionic field which helped the small board keep afloat even when the hanger was removed. While making a full size is often debatable since its the same argument as the one I made in my Zelda II article since standing on a floating board less than the rider's weight is just as dangerous as trying to run or walk on water. On the other hand that scale board, which is almost lighter than air was able to keep a full wine glass afloat so it could be possible.  Extra bonus points for DestinationCreation by making it 3 years before the Time these boards became commercial products.

As usual debate, argue and let me know what I missed.  Stay tuned for more.